


Words of betrayal, a story about life

by Loveforthestory



Category: Revolution (TV)
Genre: Sexual Content, rewrite of Words of Betrayal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-19 17:03:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8218186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loveforthestory/pseuds/Loveforthestory
Summary: A story about the truth, courage, trust, desire and despair.A story about love, friendship, brothers, family, guilt and hope.A story about life.





	1. Chapter 1

**This is a re-write of Words of Betrayal. I published this story in 2014. Fan fiction, writing and publishing my stories in English were so very new. I am Dutch, so writing in another language was ( and still is) a challenge. I have met amazing and talented people, who enjoy stories and love Revolution, from all over the world. I learned so many valuable things. I really wanted to return to this story and autumn felt like a great time to start. Rainy afternoons are on its way and I am really looking forward to spend time with this story again. I want to give all these amazing characters more space and time for their stories within this story.  I wish all of you an amazing autumn ( or spring) with a lot of beautiful stories.**

Words of Betrayal

A story about life and the truth.

1.

The cold wind that brushes the tall trees in the landscape around her creeps through her leather jacket. They have been walking for hours. Monroe's wide shoulders are in front of her. Her mother is walking next to her. The fields and paths around her feel desolated.

With every step she takes, her heart is with Miles. There is still no sign of him after they had split up ten miles south of Austin. He never made it back to their camp. She needs to find him so she can yell at him for not keeping _his_ stupid to a minimum.

She had woken up before sunrise without him but with a deep fear of losing another piece of herself. Her body had ached, remembering every bruise from every second she fought Jason. She had heard the rhythm of Monroe's boots behind her when she had grabbed her stuff to leave camp. Monroe's eyes had found hers when she had looked up. The same raw fear of losing Miles she felt roaring deep inside of her had been there in his eyes before he had looked away.

The path they have been following ends. They stop in front of a forgotten, deserted road. She can't track over pavement. She knows Monroe knows that. She knows him bitching about her tracking skills is more raw fear for Miles, hidden in more of his insults.

They split up. She finds a path close to a stream that meanders through the landscape. She decides to follow it. Sunlight touches the clear water. The sound of the stream finding its way through the landscape keeps her company. But she barely feels the sun.

She knows she is taking a risk. She knows being out here on her own makes her vulnerable. But she knows she has to. She has to do this, for Miles. It is not like she has never been on her own. She can fight. She can survive. That is what she does. That is who she is. But he has always been there, a home on the horizon to return to.

Her mind filled with stubborn strength refuses to think about what could have happened. She just needs to find Miles. But instead of finding Miles, Tom Neville finds her.

~~~

Time has lost its meaning from the moment Tom Neville tells her to keep moving and bring him to their camp. When he asks about Jason, hearing his name hurts. She starts walking with Neville behind her.

She can hear Monroe's voice again. _He is going to kill you Charlie, when he finds out what happened._ She had been sitting in the back of the wagon. She had felt the truth and his low voice deep inside of her. Because she knew he was right. She had listened to him and Miles and their plans to shoot Neville. She had felt numb but a part of her had realized that Miles _and Monroe,_ had talked about protecting _her._

She keeps Tom away from their camp. She needs to do this on her own. This is her mess. She walks him to one of their safe houses. She knows Miles and Monroe left weapons there. But as soon as she reaches for a weapon taped under a table in the living room, he knows what she is doing.

And then it is him and her in an empty house with all her guilt and all his rage. And she knows Miles is not coming. Monroe is not coming. Not this time. Nobody is coming. She tries to keep the truth away from Tom Neville, even with her back against a wall and with his face and gun right in front of her. But she can't. Because she killed Jason. Guilt is slowly killing her Matheson strength to survive.

Neville threatens to use her as bait to draw in Monroe. And Miles. And everyone she cares about to work his way through all of them to find out what happened to Jason. She can see their faces so clearly that she can almost touch them. They are there with her. There is no time to think about _why_ and _when_ it happened. But her mind, and heart, have decided that Monroe belongs to the people who matter to her. With Neville in front of her and knowing what will be next so close, her heart can finally admit that freely.

She knows it is going to end here when he asks about what happened to his son one more time. She can't let him hurt them. She can't keep the truth away from him. She tells him it was her. She can see the rage and despair in his eyes before he pulls the trigger. Shock and adrenaline moves through her body so fast there is no time to understand what is happening. And then, there is nothing left but the harsh sound of him pulling the trigger and an empty gun and the deafening sound of still being alive.

She is still breathing. Her mind is trying to understand what happened. She is trembling. Tom Neville breaks right there in front of her. He lets her go. She doesn't know why. She doesn't deserve it. But he lets her walk away, too lost in his own grieve and guilt.

She walks outside. The sound of the wind moving through the branches of the trees is around her. It brushes the skin of her face. She stumbles over the roots of an old tree. She looks back one more time before her mind tells her to keep on going. Her thoughts are chaotic. _She needs to warn the others. She needs to keep on going_. Find someone. _Anyone._

Her tracker mind finds the path Monroe took. She recognizes the print of his boots. She knows he is not alone when she finds a second pair of prints in the mud. She hears them before she sees them. Monroe's voice is filled with bitter rage when he mentions a night in Philly. Her mother's voice is filled with loathing when she tells him she was his prisoner. She takes one more step until she can see both of them on a path near a creek. They don't see her. Monroe's face is filled with harsh lines. Rachel's eyes scream hate.

Her mind is slowly understanding what they are talking about. But somehow, it feels like it has nothing to do with her. She knows she can't stay here. Their words linger in the air around her. And she tries to keep it out, but what she just found out about her mother screams betrayal.

But it is not just that. Miles is out there. They had split up to find _him_. She took a risk when they had split up and she made the choice to be on her own to find Miles. They should be looking for him. She thinks about all the chances she gave her mother. She thinks about all the times she fought for Monroe. All the times she saved his life. She thinks about how they had fought together. And instead of looking for Miles, both her mother and Monroe are in the middle of one of their selfish hate fights. More betrayal fills her heart.

Their camp is the only place she can think of when she turns around and starts walking again. The weight of the last few days presses on her shoulders. And suddenly, she misses Miles so much that it is almost impossible to breathe.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I really wanted to change this scene and explore what would happen if Charlie would find out about 'Philly' at this point in the story. I wanted to show how important Miles is to her and to write more of her strength in this chapter. She lead Neville away from their camp because she feels this is what she has to do. She knows what Neville is capable of and she knows she can't lead him to the people she cares about because he** _**will** _ **hurt them to find out what happened to Jason. I always loved how strong she is in this episode, although her loneliness and guilt were so intense. I never really understood how after all the guilt we saw from Rachel for leaving her children and after all the times Bass and Charlie fought with each other, Bass all of a sudden decides Charlie will be fine out there on her own ( knowing Neville will kill her when he finds her) and Rachel just decides to follow him, knowing Charlie is out there on her own as well. I wanted to let Charlie hear their argument about 'that night in Philly' to create room to explore the consequences of that moment.**

**Your feedback and thoughts are always welcome, I always love hearing from you! Love from Love**


	2. Chapter 2

Connor watches how she slowly walks towards camp. His mind is working as fast as it can. _His dad_. Miles. Rachel. No one is with her. She is alone. She looks pale in the last light of the late afternoon. The shadows of the tall trees on the horizon almost swallow her. There is something in her eyes that makes it impossible to look away.

When Charlie finally spots their camp in the distance, the day is slowly fading. Rain is on its way. Connor is the first person she notices through a cloud of chaotic thoughts and realizing she is still alive. He is also the first one that notices her.

She can feel Connor's eyes on her. He starts walking towards her and a part of her screams _don't_. But then he is standing in front of her and the familiar sound of his voice finds its way through the numbness that is flowing through her.

'Charlie…what happened?' The devastating look in her eyes breaks through the wall of anger and resentment he has placed around him.

He needs answers, because he has never seen her like this. She doesn't look at him like she normally does. She's there but at the same time, she is so far away. It's like she is reliving something over and over again.

He has to react to the desperation in her eyes. He moves his arms around her and pulls her against his chest. Charlie feels his warmth and the pressure of his arms around her. And she lets him hold her. She needs to know that somebody is still there. She needs to know _she_ is still here.

When she slowly untangles herself from Connor, she looks up to meet his eyes. A part of her wants to tell him. A part of her wants to trust him. She knows that Connor knows about loneliness and parents who weren't there when they should have been a part of his life. She understands a part of his anger and hurt.

But she has sensed a change in him. There is more anger and more dark depth in his eyes. It's like a storm that's building up in the air. She knows the feeling of the pressure in the sky when a change is on its way. And she can sense it inside of him.

'Tell me what's wrong...' Connor tries to connect with her. He needs to know what happened to her. He needs to know where his dad is. He wants to ask her if she's thinking about going back out. Because it fucking hurts having to tell her, but it has been three days. He knows that Miles is probably gone.

The last couple of days have been hell. He's pissed at his old life. He's pissed at his new life. He is pissed because he isn't sure his dad is ever going to get his Republic back. He's pissed because everything is about Miles. He's jealous of the way _she_ never stops fighting _for Miles._ But this is her. And he still needs her to be all right. He wants to talk to her. But she takes a step away from him.

'I have to go…' She turns around, unable to meet his eyes.

She can't look at him anymore. She can't let anyone close to her. Not now. Not when so many emotions are threatening to overwhelm her. She walks to the abandoned building that is the heart of their camp. She can't stop the images and sounds that keep on finding her. Neville _._ Jason. Her mother. Monroe. Philly _. Miles_. She keeps on walking until she finds an empty room. She slowly slides down one of the walls. She doesn't even notice she is crying until she tastes the salt of her own tears.

~~~

She is staring into the darkness when she hears the sound of footsteps. When she looks up, Aaron is there.

'Charlie? Are you okay?'

'I'm fine.' She tries but she can't keep the exhaustion out of her voice.

'No , you are not.'

'Don't want to talk about it.' She hates the sound of her own voice. This is Aaron. Her family. Her friend who is afraid of bees and still walked all the way to Chicago and Philly. The man who would give his life to keep her safe. He's a part of her home on the road.

Aaron looks at her. The shadows of the room slowly move over her face. She has been crying. The only light in the room are the distant colors of the fires outside.

When she had walked back into camp, nobody had been with her. When she had let Connor hold her, Aaron had known something was very wrong. He had seen the confusion and worry in Connor's eyes when Charlie had walked away from him. When Connor had tried to follow her, Aaron had stopped him, telling him to give her the space she needed. When she still had not been back after sunset, he had known he had to find her. He just really hopes that Priscilla locked inside a lot of nano craziness stays away long enough so he can talk to her.

Aaron sits down next to her. She doesn't look at him. He doesn't move or convince her to tell him what is wrong. He knows that Charlie isn't going to talk until she is ready although he really needs to know what's wrong. The room slowly fills filled with the sounds of their camp outside.

'Neville..he found me.' Charlie finally breaks the silence.

Aaron feels a cold wave of dread in his chest. He knows wat happened in Austin. He knows Neville.

'He wanted me to lead him back to our camp so he could work his way through all of you until he would find out what happened to Jason.'

Aaron can still remember the coldness in his eyes when he had met Tom Neville for the first time. He knows what Tom Neville is capable of. He knows his force of destruction. He remembers the tears in Maggie's and Charlie's eyes when they all had to say goodbye to Ben.

'I couldn't Aaron… so I took him to one of our safe houses. I knew Miles had left a weapon there. I knew it was my only chance.' The strength in her voice is fading while she tells the rest of the story. 'I had to tell him it was me.'

Aaron's heart almost stops when Charlie shows him the deep red bruise right above her temple where Neville put his gun before he had pulled the trigger. And when he sees her tears, his heart breaks for her.

She looks away again, lost in her own thoughts. 'I just need to find Miles, Aaron. I need to find him.'

He slowly puts his hand over hers , telling her he is here while he sits next to her. 'I know kiddo. I know…' 

~~~

Aaron is walking next to her when she walks outside. The deep evening air brushes against her skin. The scent of rain fills the air. She sits down in front of a fire.

Aaron brings her some stew. 'You really need to eat something.'

She just nods at him. When she wraps her hands around the warm bowl, her mother and Monroe walk into camp. Miles isn't with them. She turns her eyes away from them and just watches the fire.

Aaron puts a blanket around her shoulder. 'I'll be right back.'

She lets his voice fade into the flames in front of her.

~~~

Aaron walks over to Rachel but his heart is still with Charlie.

'Rachel, we need to talk.' Aaron ignores Monroe while he notices the look of worry on Rachel's face.

What he did not expect was to see a change in the steel murderous blue of Monroe's eyes while he looks at Charlie. He tells himself to focus. He is tired. Although he is not sure tired is the right word. He is beyond tired at this point. He is sure that is why he is just imagining whatever just happened in Monroe's eyes.

'It's about Charlie..' he continues. And there it is again. Monroe's eyes fill with something new Aaron has not seen in there before when he mentions her name.

'What about Charlie?' Rachel asks. Her voice is sharper now, '..is she okay?

'No, Rachel, she is not okay.' Aaron feels nervous. He swallows. 'Something happened.'

One more look at Monroe and Aaron knows he is not imagining anything. Because here he is, standing in front of _Sebastian Monroe_. And Aaron's isn't sure about a lot of things these days, but he is pretty sure that the worry in Monroe's eyes when he looks at Charlie _again_ should not be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life is very busy at the moment. I am working om my thesis which is amazing and exhausting at the same time. That means there will be less updates for my stories the next couple of months. I am going to publish a new chapter for 'More' next week. I will also work on this story because the editing and re-write proces is a lot of fun. Please know how much I still love writing my stories.
> 
> But my muse is also flirting with new writing projects. I don't write for reviews, I don't get paid to write fan fiction. I write because I love writing. It is very simple. But is getting more quiet around here. And sometimes that does have an effect on my 'writing fire.' Please know how much I LOVE knowing you are out there, loving Revolution and fan fiction. And please know how very much your feedback and reviews mean to me. But I just wanted to explain why there will be less updates from me.
> 
> So, back to this chapter! I really wanted it to be Aaron who talks to Charlie after she returns to camp. He is such an important part of her life. Aaron knows Neville and he knows what he is capable of, so her story would have even more depth when she would share it with him. I also wanted to include the dynamics between Charlie and Connor from this episode/ the end of season two. It is Connor who finds her in that episode, after she returns to camp. I think he does care about what she has been through. But at the same time he refuses to join her and look for Miles because of his own feelings and his past. That is why I decided to write a moment of comfort between the both of them, followed by Charlie's realization something is happening inside of Connor that puts distance between the both of them. 
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kuddo's for last chapter. I really appreciate them! Love from Love


	3. Chapter 3

Rachel looks at her daughter. She is sitting in front of a fire with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She is still staring into the flames in front of her.

Aaron notices the nervous look on Rachel's face. Monroe keeps his distance from Rachel and him, but he isn't walking away. Aaron _really_ wishes he would. He is not sure how to tell Rachel what Charlie just told him.

'Aaron, just tell me what's wrong.' Rachel looks at him. Her eyes are searching for answers. And he knows Rachel, he knows she won't stop until he tells her everything.

'Neville... Neville found Charlie.' Aaron tries to push away a sickening wave of heartbreak for Charlie.

Rachel's eyes move from Aaron to Charlie and then back to Aaron again. He can see the shock in her eyes when he has to tell her how Tom Neville found Charlie and how he had told her to bring him back to their camp. When he reaches the moment where Neville almost killed her, it is hard to keep the tremble out of his voice.

'She showed me where he shoved his gun in her face, Rachel, he….' Aaron struggles to find the right words.

'What?' Monroe's voice is deep when it suddenly fills the air around them. His eyes are filled with steel.

Aaron almost takes a step back from the intensity in Monroe's eyes. He forces himself to keep on talking. 'I don't know why, but Neville let her walk away.' Aaron looks at Rachel, although he is not sure if he talking to Rachel or Monroe.

Rachel's eyes are filled with more shock and something else Aaron doesn't understand. 'When, Aaron? When did this happen?'

'Charlie told me it did not take Neville long to find her, after you decided to split up.'

'No..' Rachel shakes her head like she refuses to believe what Aaron just told her, 'No...'

Aaron watches how Monroe swallows. He can see the tension in the muscles of his neck. He wants to say something to Rachel, but she has already left her pack on the ground and is on her way to see Charlie.

Aaron knows Rachel is probably not even listening to him anymore when he watches her walk away from him. 'Sure, I'll just wait here….' He looks at Monroe who looks like he is ready to murder someone, '…awesome plan.' 

~~~

'Charlie?,' Rachel crouches down in front of her. 'Aaron told me what happened. Are you okay?'

The light of the golden flames brushes the pale skin of her daughter's face. Her eyes miss her usual stubborn strength Rachel knows so well.

Charlie hears the soft tone in her mother's voice. Her mother is never able to keep all her hidden guilt out of her voice. It always makes old pain return to the surface when her mother ignores the fact she is not that girl she left on a path in the woods anymore. Irritation and anger start to build inside of her.

'Why.. why did you not come and find me?' Rachel tries. Another wave of guilt for letting her daughter be out there on her own when her thoughts had been with Miles and her hate had been focused on Monroe, finds her heart. Charlie hadn't been at their rendezvous point. She had waited there with Bass, until they had decided to walk back to camp, hoping they would find her here.

'I did.' Her words are filled with the sharpness of a blade. They linger in the air between them.

Rachel's heart feels heavy when Charlie finally looks at her. There are endless pale blue clouds of anger in her eyes. A wave of shock joins her guilt when she realizes Charlie _did_ find her. There's a heavy silence in the air.

Charlie feels exhausted. She is too exhausted to have this conversation. She is too exhausted for another battle with her mother. She looks back into the flames.

Rachel knows that this conversation is over. She knows her daughter. But she wants to talk. She wants to move the blanket further around her shoulders. Her hand is already on its way when she realizes she isn't wanted here.

She walks back to where a stunned Aaron and Monroe have been watching her and Charlie. She grabs her pack from the ground. She gives Monroe a look filled with loathing and anger.

'She knows.' She hisses the words into Monroe's direction before she walks away from him. 

~~~

Bass is staring into the flames of the fire in front of him. Connor is ignoring him. He is thinking about Miles. It's cold as hell tonight and he knows they need to find him soon. Knowing his brother is out there on his own is tearing him apart. He looks up. His eyes find her again.

She is staring into the flames in front of her, across camp. She looks small with the darkness of the night around her. He remembers how he had told her how Tom Neville would kill her when he would find her and find out about what happened to his kid. He remembers how he had felt when Miles had told him they had to kill Neville. He knows it is fucked up, but the both of them talking about protecting her, had meant something to him.

And the image of her facing Neville and all this rage alone won't leave him alone. She had gone through hell while he had wasted his fucking time listening to that holier than thou bitch and her whining.

He can see her misery and her defeat. He can sense the sickening worry for losing Miles and the guilt for shooting the Neville kid. She looks pale and lost. Even when those assholes in that bar had drugged her, she had tried to kill him within five fucking minutes after she had woken up. That's Charlotte. That's _her._ It fucking hurts to see her like this.

His mind takes him back to the same point over and over again. Rachel had wanted to go back to find Charlie. He keeps on hearing his own voice. _We'll meet her back at the rendezvous._ He had told her Charlie could take care of herself.

He wasn't lying when he had said that to Rachel. It's the truth. She is strong as hell. Rachel might still see the child she has left behind to walk all the way to Philly, _and Miles_ , but he sees the warrior, her strength and the woman she is.

But the fear of losing his brother that had been roaring inside of him that had felt like a cold grasp around his damn chest had made him forget about all the times Charlie had fought with him and all the times she had saved his life. He thinks about her. He thinks about Neville. He thinks about how that son of a bitch had hurt her. And _he_ hadn't been there.

He feels like hell. He feels guilt and rage battling in his damn chest. He wants to walk over to her. But he knows she doesn't want him there. Hell, she _should_ not want him there after what he did today. 

~~~

The sun hasn't come up yet but lines of deep blue on the horizon reveal that sunrise is close. She can feel the cool morning air before she opens her eyes. Sunrise means daylight. And daylight means she can look for Miles again.

She doesn't remember falling asleep. Every part of her had felt so exhausted that her body had made the decision to sleep for her. When she slowly wakes up, she can feel his stare. When she turns her head his way, he looks back into the fire. Charlie knows him, she knows Monroe's eyes had been on her.

She ignores him. She ignores Connor. She ignores her mother. Because today is about Miles. Somewhere between walking back to their camp and a sunrise tucked behind deep, endless grey clouds, she has found a part of herself again. It's Neville, _Neville of all people,_ that made her see how much she _does_ wants to live. And she knows that Miles is part of that life. He is a part of her. And she will find him.

She uses her Matheson stubbornness to get up from her place near the fire. Her body feels heavy, but when she stretches and she lets the pure, brisk morning air fill her lungs, her body remembers her strength.

Aaron walks over to her. 'Hey..' there is a hesitation in his voice, '..look...I really want to go with you to find Miles, but…' Aaron is not sure how to tell her the nano he helped creating took over his girlfriend. Even thinking about it makes him feel like he is slowly losing his mind. And he doesn't want to burden her with his own worries.

Priscilla is looking at both of them from across camp. Charlie looks at her before she looks back at Aaron with confusion in her eyes.

She can see that he is struggling. She knows something is wrong when she sees the look in his eyes when he looks at Priscilla. But she trusts him. She knows that if he will tell her what's wrong when he's ready. ' Just take care of yourself, all right?' There is a pale smile on her face.

Aaron nods at her and tries to smile back at her. before he walks back to Priscilla. 'You too kiddo…'

She fills her flask with fresh water. She has checked her knives and crossbow. Her thoughts are with Miles. She wants to leave as soon as possible. Her mother's voice pulls her away from her thoughts.

'Charlie, hey... Can we talk?'

Charlie just shakes her head slowly while she takes a deep breath.

'Charlie, I know you are upset, but let me explain, he...' Rachel tries to make Charlie look at her. The nervous twitch around her mother's mouth Charlie know so well accompanies her words.

'I don't want to hear it mom.' She knows they will have to talk about this. But she is not doing this now. Not today. She grabs her pack and weapons and turns around to leave their camp and their conversation behind her.When she walks out of camp, she knows Monroe is right behind her.

'Charlie, wait.' His voice is low and deep. She can hear how exhausted he is.

'What do you want, Monroe,' She doesn't slow down. She doesn't meet his eyes although she can feel his stare. She picks a spot on the horizon to focus on and ignores him.

Monroe hears the loathing in Charlie's voice. Even when she's pissed or _trying_ to ignore him, her eyes always find his. She never looks away. She never backs down. But this time she won't even look at him. It reminds him of those first days he had spent with her on the road from Pottsboro to Willoughby. It feels like the small amount of distance they had closed over the past months, has never existed. It hurts more than he expected.

'We are not splitting up today.' He barks at her. He curses at himself for the way his voice sounds.

She just shakes her head at the way he is growling his order like he still owns half the continent. She starts walking again, hoping he will get the message that he has to stay the hell away from her. Of course he doesn't.

'Charlie, damn it, wait.' _Fuck._ He really needs her to listen. His hand reaches for her arm, before he can fucking stop himself. This time she does look at him and he can see how pissed she is. But at least she is looking at him.

'Neville is not going to hurt you again. Hell, Charlie, you can push me away all you want, but he is not going to hurt you again.'

She wants to ignore the strength and burn of his hand wrapped around her arm. She wants to keep the depth in his voice away from her. But it is impossible to ignore the wall that is Monroe standing in front of her.

She forgets to yank his arm away from him. She finally allows herself to really look at him and what he is trying to tell her. There is something in his eyes she can't figure out. There is a depth in his eyes that reminds her of the look he gave her that afternoon when he came back for her in an abandoned school.

His eyes and the way he is standing so close to her lead her back to her and Monroe and moments like this they had shared before. A no matter what the hell was happening and no matter what they had to face, _something_ had always been there in the way he had looked at her, hidden in the depth of his eyes.

She finally looks at him and he sees a part of the Charlotte that he knows so damn well. His chest swells with knowing that for now, she has accepted him here, with her.

Before she can stop herself, she nods. And then she starts walking again. He follows her. The grey morning landscape and cold wind greets. But she knows she is not going to face this day alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I am slowly changing things. It is one of the reason why I love writing this story. I really love exploring the dynamics between Charlie and Bass at this point of the story. I wanted to give Aaron's character more space in this story, to explore the reason why he did not join Charlie when she was looking for Miles in this episode? I also wanted to write about Charlie's relationship with Rachel and all the sharp edges in that relationship because of their past and the decision Rachel made/makes?
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments. I always appreciate hearing from you! I am working on chapter four and I hope I can publish that chapter soon. Love from Love


	4. Chapter 4

Her sharp scream cuts through the heavy silence of the landscape around him. Bass has never heard her scream for help like this. His thinks about Tom Neville. That son of a bitch is still out there. His hand instinctively reaches for his gun before he starts running.

The first thing he sees when he reaches Charlie is her crouched down next to a body lying in the tall grass of a forgotten golf course. It's Miles. He knows his brother. He would recognize him everywhere.

She's crying. Panic makes his mouth dry. His next heartbeat physically hurts. Primal fear fills his blood. For one endless moment he is afraid they are too late. But then he realizes that Miles' chest is still moving. His skin is covered with blood, soot and dirt. But he is still breathing. It has been three days and he is still alive. Charlie is talking to him. When Miles' hand tries to reach for Charlie's hand, it is almost impossible to breath. Bass' can't move.

The way she is holding and talking to Miles unlocks things inside of him he has not felt for her since he has met her. She told him once that there were more important things than family. But she keeps on showing him something else. It's there in the way she looks at Miles. It's there in the way she is taking care of his bother.

Charlie knows Bass is there. She knows she can focus on Miles. She _has_ to focus on Miles because everything that matters now is him. He looks disorientated. But his hand still finds hers. She can feel him tremble.

'I've got you…' Her voice is gentle reassurance and strong determination. She looks at Miles. Tears cloud her eyes. It hurts to see him like this. But he is alive. _He is alive_. _She found him_. Her mind repeats those thoughts over and over again. 'I've got you Miles.'

Bass is about to walk to Miles _and her_ but all of a sudden Rachel is there. She walks past him and ignores him on her way to reach Miles. When her icy eyes meet his, he freezes. He swallows.

Charlie looks up when her mother sits down on Miles' other side. She can see the relieve on her mother's face. It's the same relief she is feeling. She looks up. She wants to share this short moment of finding a part of themselves they had almost lost. But her mother is not looking at her. She is looking at Monroe and her eyes are filled with cool distance before she looks at Miles again.

When Miles starts to talk, she forgets all about the look in her mother's eyes. He keeps on repeating the same words. 'Sorry… I'm sorry…'

He tries to get up. He struggles with his words. She moves her hand over his shoulder. 'Don't try to talk. Don't be stupid and let us take care of you...' She tries to smile. She tries to calm him down.

She tries to stay calm. But she is worried. One look at Miles and she knows they are running out of time. Maggie has taught her enough to know that Miles is in serious trouble. He's cold. He's wounded. it is going to be nightfall in an hour. The freezing wind that moves through the landscape keeps on finding him. He needs warmth and fluids. They need to find a way to bring him back to their camp.

Bass watches her, sitting close to the man who has been there for as long as he remembers. He knows they have to get him back to camp. And one look at Charlie and he knows she knows that too. He takes a step towards her. He crouches down in front of her.

'Charlie..,' his voice is low and hoarse when he tries to connect with her.

The raw warmth of his voice is suddenly close. She doesn't let of go of Miles but she does look at Monroe.

Bass can almost feel her stare inside his damn chest. Somehow, everything that matters now is Miles, Everything else fades. When she looks at him, the intensity he finds in her eyes and the way she is willing to listen to him are almost too much. 'Hey…let me help…' He only looks at her. He ignores Rachel.

Charlie looks from Monroe to Miles before she looks at Monroe again. When he offers to carry Miles back to camp, she nods. She makes room for him. She watches how one brother takes care of another.

Almost a year ago, she watched how Miles broke down on the night they thought they had lost Monroe. She remembers the amount of pain and grief in Miles' eyes when they had sat in the darkness of an endless night together, waiting for a new sunrise. That night, she had realized that their friendship had survived decades of what life had put them through. And now, when she looks at how Monroe is taking care of Miles, she can see it again. She can see that bond again.

They don't talk. They don't stop. They just keep on going. She walks next to Monroe and Miles until they can see the fires of their camp in the distance. 

~~~

Bass' eyes are glued on the tent where they are taking care of Miles. He was barely conscious when they had reached camp. Of course the girlfriend from hell had not allowed him inside the tent. Her eyes filled with cool hate had pushed him away from Miles.

This is not first time Miles is hurt. This is not the first time dark thoughts corner him. He still remembers the Trenton campaign. He still remembers the lonely nights sitting by Miles' bed, cursing at the world and hoping his brother would make it after another Rebel attack.

It is the exhaustion that lingers through his thoughts that brings him back to Philly and to everything they had built and lost there. He moves his hand over his face. He can't remember the last time he slept. But first he needs to know if his brother is going to make it.

Deep blond hair and blue eyes pull him away from a city and a life that doesn't exist anymore . When Charlie walks out of the tent, he has to push away the worry he feels for her. Because he can't explain the depth of that worry without looking at shit he doesn't want to look at. He can see how much hurt she is carrying with her.

Hurt and guilt build up inside of him. She knows. She knows about Philly. She had to find out about that night after Neville had almost killed her. And he knows that Rachel will make him the bad guy in her story. It is what she does. It is how she deals with all her crap without having to look at what she did to this fucking world and what she did to Miles after she started screwing around with him behind's Ben's back. He is fucking done with her holier than thou shit.

Charlie takes a deep breath when she walks outside the tent. The crisp air of a new night is filling her lungs. Miles is asleep. Her grandfather told her she needed to eat and sleep. But she can't. Her head is spinning with emotions. Her exhaustion is finally winning from the stubborn will to keep on going. She's dirty and sweaty but she doesn't care. Miles is here. _He's here_.

When she looks up, Monroe is standing close to a fire, not far from her. His eyes are glued on the tent behind her before they find her eyes. She can't ignore how tired he looks. She can see it in his eyes. The lines around his eyes look deeper. The feeling of being torn that has kept her company so many times when it comes to Monroe, is already finding its way to her heart.

But there is also more. It's stronger than the hate she has felt for him. Because tonight, with him so close, something changes. She understands Monroe. She understands his exhaustion and the worry for Miles in his eyes. Because it is exactly how she feels. And when her eyes meet his, that understanding is stronger than hate or their past.

She walks into his direction. She can see the tension in his shoulders with every step she takes towards him. She stops in front of him. She keeps her distance from him but closes the remaining distance between the both of them with her eyes.

'He's asleep. He's wounded but my grandpa took care of that. He's dehydrated. He needs fluids. We just need to get him through the night. ' Her voice sounds raw, _she feels raw_ , but for once she doesn't feel the need to hide it from him.

She sees the gratitude hidden in his eyes. He tries to hide it with his mask of cool casual smugness. But he doesn't look away. It does more to her than she wants to admit. When she starts walking again, her shoulder brushes against his upper arm. Maybe it is the exhaustion. Maybe it is the loneliness of endless worry and her guilt. But when she feels Monroe's hand close to hers, she lets her fingers brush against his hand. It happens before she realizes what she is doing. For one moment that is over before it started, his hand reaches for hers. She can feel how his fingers are about to entangle with hers. The roughness of his calloused skin touches her skin. She lets the moment burn between them.

Her touch is a shock through his fucking system. She already gave him more than he deserved by letting him know how Miles is doing. She can barely stand on her damn feet but she still talked to him. He knows he is a fucking moron but he has to respond to the way her hand is finding his. His hand reaches for hers. He is about to wrap his fingers around hers. But the moment is over before he can open his mouth or react to her so damn close. He watches her while she walks away from him. She doesn't look back. But he can still feel the warmth of her skin linger against his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about Charlie and Bass slowly moving into new territory. Miles is an important bridge between the both of them because of their connection to him. Charlie can see her own worry for Miles within Monroe. It is an important moment because she is able to see more of the man he is. When I wrote that moment I thought about a scene at the start of season 2. I always loved that line in the pool from Monroe. 'You don't know me ,Charlotte.' It's a line that keeps on inspiring me and it's also something I love to explore in this story.  
> Thank you so much for your comments for chapter three! I really appreciate them. Love from Love


	5. Chapter 5

The forest is filled with sounds that belong to the night. The coldness around her creeps up on her. Even in the small tent in the heart of their camp, the brisk nigh air still finds her.

But Charlie doesn't care. She doesn't care about the chill in the air while she watches Miles. He fell asleep half an hour ago and she hasn't left his side. He is hurt and dehydrated. But he is here. She is here. It is all she needs. She can finally breathe again.

She curls up next to him. Her head is close to his arm. Her hair brushes his shoulder. She is exhausted. But she can't stop listening to his slow and steady breathing. She can't stop telling herself they found him after three days of looking for him and almost endless desperation. Her grandpa is already asleep. Her mother needed some fresh air. So it is just him and her, hours away from dawn.

Her eyes are heavy when the sound of the rhythm of boots on the ground behind her reach her. She is almost asleep when she feels the heavy comfort of a blanket being wrapped around her. The familiar scent of leather and whiskey keeps her company when she finally falls asleep.

Bass looks at her while she falls asleep next to his brother. He adjusts the blanket around her shoulder. He watches them both under the cover of darkness. This is not the first time his brother is hurt. This is not the first night he sits next to his brother, hoping he will make it through the night. This is the first time Charlie is here. Her loyalty and the way she keeps on fighting for Miles hurts. It's a slow throbbing pain inside his damn chest.

Tension rises in his jaws. The bitter taste of what could have been fills the back of his throat. He thinks about Emma. He thinks about what they once shared. He thinks about her decision to not tell him about his son and all the years they have lost. He thinks about his kid and the mess between the both of them. He feels a wave of jealousy and raw disappointment for not having with Connor what Miles has with Charlotte.

He's lost in his thoughts when Charlie mumbles something in her sleep. He has to fight the urge to move his hand over her shoulder. He almost brushes some hair out of her face. He stops himself. He swallows and just looks at her, sleeping so close to Miles.

Rachel walks into the tent. When he looks up he can almost feel her loathing for sitting so close to Charlie and Miles. He doesn't care. Not tonight. His brother is here. Charlie is safe. He will make sure she stays safe through the night. Neville won't touch her.

He doesn't look away when Rachel's icy eyes find his. He once made a silent promise to his brother that he would follow Miles to hell and back. And as far as he is concerned, he will never break that promise. It's all that matters right now. He won't leave them. He won't leave this tent. And if Rachel has a problem with that, she can go to hell. He is not going anywhere tonight.

~~~

When Miles wakes up he feels like hell. The sunlight is too bright and the voices coming from outside of the tent are too sharp. He opens his eyes. Familiar blue eyes are waiting for him. 'Watching me sleep again, kid?'

Charlie just grins at him.

'You do know it's kind of creepy, right?'

Miles grins back at her but Charlie can see he is still in pain. He coughs and a cloud of worry fills her eyes.

Miles groans. His throat hurts like hell. His _whole body_ hurts like hell. Charlie looks at him and the look in her eyes is almost too much. He doesn't deserve it. _Her_. This. Her loyalty. Her strength. Her seeing the man he once was and her stubbornly holding on to him. Not after everything he did. But she is still here.

Charlie is about to say something when Bass walks into the small tent. Her eyes meet his. She knows it was him who wrapped a blanket and warmth around her shoulders last night. She knows it was him who stayed around so she and Miles could sleep. And she knows, he knows she knows that too. It's there in the deep intensity of his eyes he rarely shows her when he looks at her.

Bass finally lets go of her with his eyes while he dangles a bottle of whiskey in front of Miles. 'Brought you some medicine. Looks like you need it. You look like hell brother.'

Miles looks at the bottle of whiskey Bass is holding in front of him. He's about to reach for it but Charlie moves faster than him.

'No whiskey...' Charlie says firmly but there is a smile in her eyes. She looks at Miles before her grin moves into a smirk. 'well, at least not for you…' She takes the bottle out of Bass' hands before either Miles or Bass can say something.

Charlie looks at Bass. Her smile doesn't fade when he looks at her. She opens the bottle and takes a swig. Bass tries to ignore the way her lips touch the bottle. His brother is whining about not getting his whiskey. He isn't listening. He can only look at her. He knows he should look the hell away now. _Fuck._ He is not sure what she is going to do. This is usually the point where she pushes him away. This is the moment where he should see the start of her hate or loathing for him in her eyes. But instead of telling him to go to hell with her eyes, she offers him the bottle.

'Come on…since when do you say no to whiskey, Monroe?' There is a challenging tone in her words.

Bass doesn't understand what the hell is happening. He still ignores Miles. He grins at her. The blue in his eyes lights up. He takes the bottle out of her hand while his eyes are still connected with hers. He doesn't look away from her when he puts the bottle to his mouth.

Charlie lets his stare flow through her. Miles is here. Bass is here. And just for one moment war is far away, on this morning in the middle of their camp. And in the heart of their camp and in the middle of so many broken pieces , she is sharing a bottle of whiskey with her uncle and his best friend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wondered what could have happened between the moment they find Miles and the episode after that moment. The two scenes from this chapter are a new addition to this story. I wanted to write about that first night after Charlie finds Miles. Because of the emotions and the relief they all feel now Miles is back, there is room for (new) emotions that can reach the surface. I loved exploring more of what Bass feels here. The second scene with the bottle of whiskey is the scene we see in episode 2 x 20 but then with a new twist. I love exploring new moments between Charlie and Bass and to include the strong connection between Charlie and Miles in this chapter. I also wanted to mention Emma, Emma's decision to not tell Bass about Connor and Bass' relationship with Connor because it is such an important theme in this part of the season.  
> I am so grateful for all your kind comments and kudos. They mean the world to me. I have more time to write now, which is such a joy! Chapter 6 is almost ready and I will publish that chapter early next week. I am also working on chapter 7. I love working on this story and I am looking forward to rewrite the whole story. I am so happy and grateful you are here. Love from Love


	6. Chapter 6

Pale sunlight is moving through the branches of the trees around their camp. Charlie has found a quiet place to clean her knives. The bricks of the wall behind her support her back. Duncan's men and women are sitting around the fires that are spread throughout their camp. They are all waiting for what will be next. She can sense how eager they are for their next fight.

Her mother is sitting next to Miles across camp. She refuses to leave his side. Monroe has joined a group of Duncan's men who are drinking and talking. He is talking to Scanlon. She shakes his head at the way Scanlon follows Monroe around. She doesn't trust Scanlon and if Monroe does trust him, then he really is a delusional asshole.

She doesn't know where Connor is. She does know that Connor isn't talking to Monroe. She watched how Monroe tried to talk to Connor again last night. It's hard to look away from how hard Monroe is trying to fight for his kid.

But Charlie can see what's happening in Connor's eyes while he keeps on pushing Monroe away. She can see it inside of Connor. It's an almost unstoppable wave of anger and blame. It's hard to look at the emotions buried deep in the blue of Monroe's eyes while he tries to reach Connor since they came back from Austin. Austin and every day since Austin has changed who they are.

They have barely talked since she found Miles. But when her eyes connect with Monroe's eyes this afternoon, he doesn't look away. But then something shifts in the blue of his eyes. She can see a slow wave of pain mixed with something that is so close to shame in his eyes that makes it impossible to ignore everything that happens in his eyes before he looks away from her.

It has been one week since she found Miles. It has been one week since she spent the whole night curled up next to him, making sure he was still alive and breathing. He is slowly getting back on his feet. Charlie tries to focus on her knives again. But every time she looks up, she has to watch how her mother is sitting close to Miles. She is spending almost all of her time with him.

She knows about Philly now. And she finally understands that there are even more reasons why her mother is pushing Monroe away from Miles. It is her insane way to try and keep the truth about Philly away from Miles _and her._

From the moment she had stood before her mother in Philly again, Charlie started to understand that nothing is what it seemed. She is slowly realizing that there are many different versions of the truth. Looking back at how her father had raised her in a small sheltered village hidden in the woods, she slowly starts to see how her world is endlessly more complicated.

The more she thinks about her mother, Miles, Philly and all those years that have passed since the moment her mother had walked away from her, the more she feels in her heart that nothing is what it looks like. And suddenly, she can hear Monroe's voice again. _You don't know me Charlotte._ She tries to push his voice and all the moments he couldn't keep his mouth shut about Miles and her mother away from her. But she can't.

She finally understands more of the deadly loathing she sees in her mother's eyes everytime Monroe gets too close to Miles. She finally understands more of the cool distance in her mother's eyes when her mother watches when she gets too close to Monroe.

There has always been something hidden in her mother's hate for him. It has been a kind of hate and loathing Charlie never truly completely understood. Now she does. It wasn't just hate for Monroe, but maybe it was hate for herself as well. Hate for whatever it is that happened in Philly.

Disgust swirls inside of her. She feels anger . She feels betrayed because her mother never mentioned this. She feels anger for everything they are not telling her. Charlie knows that Miles probably will find out. She had meant it when she had told her mother she would never stop fighting. She will never stop her fight against the Patriots, even if it isn't an honest fight. They need Monroe to fight this fight. They need him. They need Miles. They are the only two men she can think of that are able to stop the patriots from taking over half the continent.

The only thing that has been stopping her from confronting her mother is Miles. The day after they found him she had listened to Miles and how he had told her mom that she and her mother were the reasons he was able to hold on. They were the reasons he had been able to suruve. He hadn't realized she was there. But she had heard what Miles had to say. She knows he loves her mother.

She isn't going to carry her mother's secret with her. She is not keeping this away from Miles. But she will not be the one who tells him. She knows that if Miles will find out about Philly, everything will change again. She doesn't know how and when, but things will never be the same. That thought presses heavy on her heart. Grey clouds move in front of the pale sun.

With every new day, her anger starts to grow. New hurt and old pain build up inside of her every time she has to watch how her mother is spending time with Miles.

She has pushed everything she could not feel away for all the things that needed to happen. But when her mother walks out the tent, Charlie realizes she is done with walking away from what has to be said. She puts her knives down before she gets up.

She walks towards her mother. She stops a couple of feet before her. The strong blue in her eyes find her mother's eyes.

'So, you just keep on going like nothing happened?' Her voice is clear and as sharp as the knifes she has been cleaning. She moves her arms before her chest. She nods to Miles on the other side of camp but she doesn't look away from her mother. 'Miles doesn't even know about that night, does he?'

Her eyes pierce into her mother's eyes. She is about to unleash everything that has almost brought her to her knees the past months when it comes to her and her mother. The wall around her heart between her and everything that needs to be said is gone.

'Charlie, please…can we go somewhere and talk about this?' Rachel's eyes fill with uncomfortable cool surprise.

The soothing tone in her mother's words adds more irritation to her anger.

'So now, you do want to talk?' Months of _you_ not wanting to talk, of you not wanting to listen to me? But _now_ you want to talk?

Her voice is filled with old pain that belongs her mother and her. Because she remembers all the times she needed to talk. Her heart had been heavy after the tower. She needed to talk to a mother who had been lost in her own world. She needed to talk about Pottsboro when she came back to Willoughby. But her mother had never been there the way she had needed her. Years of her mother not being there and everything she had to do to survive and take care of the people that mattered to her swirl through her mind. The images of all the moments her mother missed because she left her on a narrow path in a quiet forest are sharp and filling her head and heart.

Rachel is aware of the stares from the men around them. Her eyes move to the tent where Miles is sleeping before she focusses on Charlie again. 'Charlie. Stop it…'

'No, I won't stop. You _will_ listen to me. You will finally listen to me.' Charlie interrupts her. She surprises herself when she hears the intensity in her own words. 'How could you do this to Miles? How could you do this to me? I see the hate you have for Monroe. I had to listen to how stupid you think I was for bringing him back with me. I brought him back so he could help. I brought him back because he made sure I was okay. He saved my life. I would not be standing here if he had not been there that night. But you don't want to hear that, do you?'

Rachel tries to find the words to stop her daughter from telling truth after painful truth. But it's like her voice is frozen. A nervous twitch appears around her lips. Tension flows through her body.

'You never want to hear why I did the things I did. You never let me talk about the things that matter to me. You know, you never even mention dad anymore. I never get to talk about dad anymore, because that's too painful, for _you_.'

Charlie tries to breathe. But it is hard because the gentle eyes of a father she loved so much, are all of sudden so close. 'He's fading. It's so hard to remember him.'

Rachel's heart cringes when Charlie mentions Ben. She said goodbye to him years ago. But the pain in Charlie's eyes brings her back to a man she once loved. But that love hadn't been enough.

'I never get to talk about dad anymore. I never get to talk about the things I need to talk about. But I do have to listen to how much you hate Monroe. I have to watch how you are spending time with Miles. I had to stand there when Miles was missing, listening to you and Monroe. You never even told me. You never tell me anything about all those years where I thought you were dead. I have to listen to how much poison he is? While you…'

Monroe's words about their night in Philly echo around her. Anger and disbelief start to spread inside of her when she is finally able to say the things out loud she has carried with her for so long. It hurts. It physically hurts to have this conversation with her mother. But she can't go back.

'Charlie, I was his prisoner and..' Rachel's' voice sounds on edge in the grey daylight. Rachel listens to herself and the same thing she had told Monroe one week ago _and herself_ for years now.

Charlie shakes her head while Rachel's words linger in the air between them. She can see the struggle in her mother's eyes. They both know it isn't the whole truth. Charlie can see it in her mother's eyes. It is what she tells herself to cope with the truth.

'I know Monroe can be a delusional asshole mom. But don't you even dare go there.' Charlie doesn't look away. 'I don't know what the hell happened between you and him, but don't give me that.'

Her anger and another conversation with her mother who still walks away from the truth starts to slowly overwhelm her. Heavy exhaustion washes over her. They stand there. Mother and daughter, separated by years of hurt, damage and decisions.

'Who the hell are you mom, because I don't know anymore.' The salt of tears and disappointment fill the back of her throat.

Rachel watches how clouds of endless grey fill her daughter's eyes. She wants to close the distance between them but Charlie takes a step away from her.

Charlie doesn't know what is happening. But something heavy shifts inside of her. An unexpected wave of panic starts to replace her anger. There is too much pain in one place for her to stay and stand here in front of her mother.

'I can't do this anymore mom.'

'Charlie…please..' Rachel's voice is filled with desperation. She feels empty and cold when she tries to stop a daughter who doesn't want to be stopped. Her heart keeps on whispering about old guilt and new loss when she has to watch how her daughter walks away from her.

Charlie doesn't know where she is going. She just knows she has to go. She has to keep on walking away from her mother and everything that is about to overwhelm her. She doesn't look back. She focusses on the line of trees that surrounds their camp. She doesn't stop walking until she reaches the trees and the line between everyone who is staring at her and the shelter of the woods in front of her.

When the sounds of their camp are fading, she finally stops. It is just her and the silence of the forest around her. It's darker under the branches of the trees. Her thoughts are chaotic and she feels like there is nowhere left to go. She tries to slow down her breathing but it doesn't work. She tries to fight her way out of it, but she can't find a way. She desperately looks for some support because her legs are trembling. Her hand reaches for a wide tree on her right.

Her mouth is dry. Panic starts to fill her thoughts and heart. She wants to push it away. She wants to walk away from everything she feels and everything that she has been trying to push away for months _and years_. But it's like her emotions are ruling her.

She doesn't know how to fight back, no matter how hard she tries. Her body feels like it doesn't belong to her. The forest around her feels like it is going to swallow her. She tries to breath. But the more she tries, the more she fails. Her fingers dig into the bark of the tree.

When she is sure the panic will never subside, strong arms are wrapped around her from behind. They slowly guide her to a wide chest behind her. When she is sure her legs are going to betray her and she has no choice but to let go, he catches her. His embrace gets even stronger. And one thought finds its way through her world of panic. Bass. _He is here._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a turning point for Charlie, she is finally able to say the things that she has to say. This moment brings her closer to who she is and what is important to her. She has pushed everything she could not feel (yet) for everything that needed to happen. She took care of so many people from the moment Rachel made a decision to walk to Philly. I felt this moment needed to happen in order for them to ( have the possibility to) move forward. I also wanted to write about that week after Austin and the week after they find Miles. So much could happen in that time in their camp. Because they are not fighting and because they aren't on the road there is time and space for what is happening between all of them. Not only Charlie's realization and her saying what has to be said to Rachel, but also the development in the relationship between Monroe and Connor. I wanted to include that here in this chapter.  
> Thank you so much for your kudos and comments for this story. I always love hearing from you. I am working on chapter 7 and I hope I can publish that one soon! Love from Love


	7. Chapter 7

When Bass follows Charlie into the forest that encircles their camp, he tells himself it is only to make sure she is okay. It has been another long day of Rachel's whining and a kid who doesn't want to listen to the things he is trying to say. He sees haunted loneliness inside of his son. He knows that loneliness. It's hard to watch how Connor pushes him away.

He had been on his way to see Miles, hoping the bitch would not be around so he could finally see his brother. It's pathetic to watch them. It's hard to watch how Rachel is changing the man he once knew. After their fight from hell and all her accusations and loathing his blood is filled with sharp edges of frustration every time he has to watch her sitting next to his brother.

When he had almost reached the tent where Miles was sleeping in, he had heard them. He had noticed the pain in Charlie's voice and the coolness in Rachel's eyes. The whole damn camp had watched them. He had kept his distance. But he hadn't been able to look away.

He had never seen Charlie like this. She was upset. She was hurt. It had been there in her eyes and in the tension of her shoulders when she had been talking to Rachel. He knew this because Charlie had been standing in front of him so many times, with her eyes filled with that same anger. Only this time her anger had not been aimed at him. It had been the first time he had watched her confront Rachel.

Hot satisfaction had filled his blood. But it had been followed by his heart breaking for so much of Charlie's pain. When she had mentioned Ben and he heard the sharp hurt of loss in her voice, it had woken up all his own damn pain for losing the people he had lost himself.

When Charlie had walked away from Rachel, it had fucking hurt having to watch her walk into the darkness of the cover of the trees on her own. He had never watched her lose herself in her emotions like this.

 _He just needs to know she is okay_. That is what he keeps telling himself when he makes his way through the forest. He knows he is the last person she wants to see. He knows she will give him hell in the way only Charlie can. But he can't stay away from her. He never can.

He is not able to feel indifference when it comes to her. He is not able to feel whatever the hell he should be feeling about her. It had started the night she fell into an empty swimming pool, only a couple of feet away from him. When that son of a bitch bounty hunter had touched her, he had not been able to look at her. He had to turn his eyes away. He shouldn't have cared about her being hurt or that some son of a bitch touched her. Hell, she had been there to put a bullet in his head. But from that moment, _and maybe even before that moment_ , he had been drawn to her.

He had never understood why he cared so much. He had told himself that she was Miles' niece. He had told himself he would protect someone tied to his brother. Miles' family was _his_ family too. He did it for Miles. He has to tell himself that over and over again, to silence any other options.

Bass follows her tracks. The sounds of their camp fade. He hears her panic filled breathing before he can see her. Her panic cuts through him like a knife. He slowly walks towards her. He watches her struggle for air and control with her hand against the bark of tree.

The Charlie he knows is always aware of what is happening around her. The fact that she has not heard him or reacted to him yet, makes him swallow heavily. He knows he is going to pay for this later, but all that matters now is her. _Dammit_. He curses silently, but he still takes a step towards her.

He slowly puts his hands on her shoulders. He waits. She doesn't respond. Her body is shaking under his hands. His arm moves around her body. He makes sure he is moving slowly so she can push him away if she wants to. She doesn't move. She doesn't push him away. He slowly guides her body to his until her back connects with his chest. She is trembling. He waits again. His heart beats heavily inside his chest. And then something happens he never expected in the history of ever. Instead of fighting him or pushing him away, she just let herself sink into his chest. He instinctively pulls her closer. His arms are firmly around her, the weight of her body against his own.

Charlie is trying to breathe. She is trying to find a way out of her world of panic. In the middle of chaos and panic she feels something wide and strong behind her. She knows it's him. Bass. _He is here._ She is holding onto that thought as the only thing that is real now.

It's like she is fighting herself back to the surface of a lake filled with heavy water. She's dizzy and nauseous. Her legs still don't feel like they belong to her.

'Breathe Charlie, just breathe,' His low voice is close to her ear. She hears her own name laced in his deep hoarse voice in a way she has never done before. She can feel his warm breath against her skin. She breathes in his scent of whiskey and leather. _Time doesn't seem to exist here under the cover of the trees and his wide, tall body behind hers._ She feels like she is finally coming back to herself.

And with every breath she takes, she becomes more aware of his arm around her waist, loosely and without any pressure but with enough strength to support her. With every breath she takes, she is becomes more aware of his hard, wide chest and the scent of his leather jacket, connecting with hers. She can hear him breathe. She can feel him close.

Bass doesn't know if he can fucking move with her so close. _She is letting him hold her_. His mind repeats that damn thought over and over again. She's close enough to take in her scent. She is close enough to feel her breathe. Her long deep blonde hair brushes against the stubble of his beard. All he wants to do is calm her down. So he holds her. He waits for to calm down. He soaks up how she melts against his body.

She can hear the soft sounds of the forest again. She can feel the solid ground under her boots again. She doesn't know how long they have been standing here. But he stays. He just stands there, behind her. He is holding her like they have all the time in the world and nothing else matters. It is just him and her. In the middle of everything swirling out of control, he just catches her and holds her. And through the heavy fatigue and the weight of so many raw memories she feels how someone sees _her_.

 _Bass is here._ Her mind is telling her the same thing, over and over again _._ And then she realizes with a cool surreal shock through her body that she is calling him Bass inside of her head. She is realizing which chest flows against her body. She is realizing who is holding her. _Monroe_ is holding her. And _she_ is letting him. Anger starts to replace the new feeling of being sheltered from the world out there.

Bass feels the subtle shift within her before she even moves. The moment she steps away from him fills his damn chest with a void that physically hurts and that he pushes away as fast as he fucking can.

She frees herself from his arms. She steps away from him. She keeps her back towards him when she puts distance between her body and Monroe. She barely realizes what just happened. And then pieces of the past start to find her.

_Kid, you might be trying to run away from your mother, but you're sure are a hell of a lot like her._

She can hear the raw cruelty in his voice again. She can see him again, in that empty swimming pool, so close to her. His body language so casual, but his words filled with the aim to wound her after everything she said to him.

Another memory from another day finds her. _I need you to take me back to your Miles..and your mom._ _She can picture his face again, when he had told her this after showing her the flyers from the bounty hunters with her mother's name on them._

And finally, her mind creates images of their night in Philly, all on its own. It fuels her anger, one memory at the time. She is angry. Hurt. Disappointed. She asks herself how she could have missed this. She brought him back to Willoughby. She brought him back to Miles and her mother. And the sharp question if Monroe used her and if this was all about Miles and her mother fills her mind in an unexpected way.

A sharp wave of losing something she did not know she could lose finds its way through her anger. She turns around. Without looking away from him she closes the distance between her and Monroe. Her eyes are piercing into his.

'You son of a bitch..' her voice is filled with anger and disgust. Her fists are landing on his chest.

Bass knew what was coming before she had even turned around. Her eyes and punches are filled with anger and something he doesn't understand yet.

'So, this was the plan from the start? Using me so you can fuck HER again?' Her fists are crashing into his chest again.

'What the hell?' Bass' voice is rough but also filled with surprise.

'Using me to take you back to Miles, but also to _her_? Giving me hell about that night with Connor in Vegas, feeling you had the right to talk to me about.. ..how did you call it? Sneaking off and banging your son, when you were the one that fucked her and tried to fuck her again when Miles was missing?' Charlie isn't sure anymore if it is anger or hurt that fights to be heard.

Bass lets her rage. He can't hide his surprise when he hears Charlie's words. He expected Charlie to give him hell after finding out about Philly because he was so fucking sure Rachel told Charlie her version of that night, the version where he had forced her and crossed a line he had never crossed.

There was no doubt in his mind that Charlie would believe her, only adding to her hate and loathing for him that was already there. There was no doubt that he would end up as the ultimate monster Rachel's story. And he knows how much blood is on his hands, he is just so fucking tired of Rachel's holier than thou whining.

He notices that with every time her fists are landing on his chest, anger loses it a little bit more to the hurt in her eyes. It's like a bullet through his chest. It hurts to see her like this. Realization hits him hard when he realizes she thinks this is all about Rachel.

And he doesn't know how the hell he is going to explain this to her. But he does know he needs her to listen to him. He tries to stop her.

'Charlie…stop..stop it.' When he hears his own voice, a memory of a dark forest, a fence and a Charlie on fire is suddenly close.

He tries to reach out for her. He fucking needs her to know that she is wrong. He wraps his fingers around her wrists. He doesn't want to hurt her. He just needs her to listen to him. His eyes are looking for hers. When she finally looks at him, she is there. All of her, all of there in the blue of her eyes.

She looks at him. Her breathing is out of control. For one moment she forgets how to move and all she can focus on are his eyes. She breathes. She looks at him.

'Get your hands off me, Monroe,' Her eyes pierce into his when she takes a step away from him. Familiar loathing returns to her voice when she mentions his last name.

'Charlie, you are wrong,' He growls at her. ' Hell, you are so wrong. It's not like that.' His voice is calmer now, but it is still deep enough for her to feel inside of her.

Charlie stands before him and he is so close she can feel his warm breath on her face. It's the raw depth in his eyes that makes it impossible to look away. And there is a part of her that realizes he wants to give her a part of the truth. Her mind and heart are already rebelling against that thought.

'Well, then you better start telling me what the hell it is about, Monroe.'

She wishes the relief in his eyes does not find a way to her heart. A part of her really wants to hear what he has to say. She longs for the truth about those years her mother wasn't a part of her life, living hers in Philly. With Miles. With him. But the bigger part of her wants him to start talking again so she can lash out again. It's the familiar conflict inside of her that confuses her thoughts every time Monroe gets too close to her. She takes a step away from him.

They stand there, face to face. Eyes locked and a world of emotions, regret and hurt between them under the cover of the leaves of the trees high above them.

Bass looks at her. Charlie's eyes are filled with challenge and anger. But she is still here. She is still listening. She is giving him a chance. And that means more to him than he can ever tell her. Her slender hands are resting on the curve of her hips, her boots are firmly placed on the ground. She crosses her arms before her chest and she keeps her distance from him. But her eyes are still connected with his.

He swallows when he feels the weight of the past and things he really wants to forget on his damn shoulders.

Charlie notices his hesitation. And all of a sudden she isn't sure if she wants to hear this. There is so much history so close, a past where he, Miles and her mother had lived their lives in Philly. She doesn't know if she can take more of the truth that is suddenly swirling between them.

But there is also another feeling, buried deep beneath her anger and unwillingness to discover more about the truth from that past. It's the same sensation that had been there once before, back in New Vegas. It's a dark swirl in her stomach that demands her attention and she doesn't want to look at because then she will get too close to things she can't feel when it comes to Monroe.

'You know what, never mind Monroe', she starts to walk away from him. 'Save it.'

Monroe is avoiding her. His eyes are fixed on a point in the distance. His hand is wrapped around the hilt of his sword. There is tension in his jaws. _He doesn't look at her so she doesn't look at him._

'It was one night.' His words break the heavy silence of the forest.

Charlie stops when she hears the frustration and rawness in his voice. Her back is turned towards him as a protecting shield between her and what is coming next.

Bass can't fucking look at her but he knows that she has stopped. They stand there, back to back with distance and the past between them. It's the only way for both of them to deal with whatever this is.

'She had too much to drink. I had way too much to drink.' His voice is almost too low to hear.

Charlie's stomach starts to swirl. She closes her eyes. Part of her wants to walk away. But the fighter within her reminds her she is not a person who walks away from something hard. So she stays. She listens. Because she needs to know.

'Miles was gone, he had just left Philly. He left me...I woke up and he was there and I…' he had to stop because the memories of the night where Miles had tried to kill him and betrayed everything he had fought so hard to protect for, are too fucking close.

Charlie can hear the raw pain in his words. She can feel the tension in his voice and his body, even without looking at him.

Bass swallows. 'I had to tell her. She...we.. we started talking. We started drinking. We talked about years that were so far behind us that it almost felt like another life. When the bottle was almost empty we reached a point where we both had our reasons to find something that wasn't even there to find that night. '

Philly is close all of a sudden. He can remember that night again. There had been whiskey. There had been an endless night of hurt and even more desperate loss. There had been the raw truth of losing a brother. There had been memories from days that were gone and a world that wasn't the same after a blackout ruined it. There had been a deep void that Miles had left behind the night he had walked away from what they had built together. There had been endless hurt because his brother had betrayed his promise and had walked away from _him._ He had tried to silence all that damn pain with something and someone, knowing damn well it would not work.

Bass isn't sure if he wants to tell Charlie more. He doesn't want to hurt her even more. Hell, she won't believe him but he understands that finding out about what happened must be hell for her.

Charlie listens to his words while she is fighting the images in her head. This is the first time Monroe talks about his past and Miles. This is the first time she can hear his pain in his voice. Her mouth feels dry. Her body feels a strange kind of numb when someone finally tells her a part of the truth. _Monroe_ is telling her a part of the truth.

'The next morning there was nothing left but guilt and regret.' He can't keep the bitterness out of his voice.

He is fighting old and deep frustration that is always there when it comes to Rachel. He is fucking tired of always being the bad guy. He is tired of her refusing to look at her decisions and mistakes. It feels weird to finally talk about what happened to someone who is willing to listen. But after everything they have been through, he wants Charlie to hear the truth. She deserves it.

He finally turns around. She isn't looking at him. He needs her to turn around herself so he can look at her. He needs her to believe him.

'Charlie, there is nothing going on between your mom and me. Nothing.' The tone in his voice changes to something personal, to something Charlie has never heard from him. She keeps on listening. 'What you heard on that day was nothing but old frustration and accusations from the past, that was in the air for a very long time now.'

Guilt finds its way to him because at the moment he was having that conversation from hell with Rachel, she had faced Neville on her own.

Charlie listens to his words and feels the truth in them. A part of her understands and is willing to look at how things had happened the way they did. And suddenly, without even truly realizing why, a night in New Vegas is close. She pushes the memory and her mind whispering about why _that night_ happened away.

' I did not force her. I didn't We both...' Bass' voice is filled with a desperate anger.

When she hears his struggle, she has to turn around. Her eyes connect with his.

'I know,' Her voice sounds hoarse but then she swallows and she finds her strength again. ' I know you didn't.'

He swallows. She watches what her words do to him. The blue in his eyes light up. The muscles in his neck are tense. He gives her a small nod. He tells her the rest with his eyes.

'Don't get me wrong…I still think you are an arrogant son of a bitch...,' a lsmirk appears around her lips and her voice is filled with Matheson strength, ' ..but I believe you.'

Bass feels something shift within him. It's the way she believes him without any doubt that fucking hurts in a good way. He can't look away from what is happening inside of her eyes. He can't look away from what he finds in there, realizing he finds something inside of her again and who they were when they had walked all the way from New Vegas to Texas. It gives him some hope that not everything between them has gone to hell. And he doesn't know why, but it matters.

'You are a lot of things Charlie,..' There is a challenging smugness in his eyes, before his voice sounds serious and honest, 'but you were never someone I used you to start something with your mom that was never there to begin with.'

The acceptance of the truth is written in her eyes. Bass can only look at her. They watch each other. The sharpest of edges in their conversation have disappeared. She is about to say something when there is a shift in the air. A large dark cloud of birds flies over them and their part of the forest, accompanied with the sound of their deafening cries that fill the sky. And then, they hear the first shot. And then another one, followed by harsh screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed working on this chapter. I loved writing a Bass who can't stay away from her and who is struggling with his world of emotions. She finds something in him she did not expect and he finds something in her he did not expect. A lot of things are finally said. A lot of things aren't said. Yet. But they are there, right under the surface. I wanted to explore Monroe's point of view about that night in Philly. I also wanted Charlie to see a part of his hurt and damage from the past here, because this could be the first time Bass mentions Miles and their past in Philly to her. I wanted to write about his feelings of betrayal, and the night Miles left the Republic and him. It also shows Charlie more of the man he was and the man he became and why that happened. She finally gets to see more from Monroe and gets a part of the truth from all those years in Philly, years she missed because she wasn't there.  
> Thank you so much for all your reviews and kudo's. I love working on this re-write and your feedback and kudo's mean the world to me. I really appreciate it. Chapter 8 is next! Love from Love


	8. Chapter 8

Bass knows he is still staring at her. Charlie is still standing in front of him. And it is just them, hidden from all the fucking bullshit that is waiting for them outside these woods. She won't look away. She is about to say something when a dark cloud of birds flies over the trees around them. The shift in the air is filling his blood with adrenaline.

They both look at the sky before they look at each other. Gunshots fill the air in the distance. Bass instinctively reaches for his weapon. Charlie is repeating his movements and her weapon is now firmly in her hand as well.

Worry. Fear. Miles, Connor. Her mother, Aaron. _Everyone._ Charlie is thinking about all of them. She knows Monroe's thoughts are with them as well. They share one look that is so strong that Charlie feels Monroe flow through her next breath before they start running back to camp. The cries of the birds still linger in the sky. The shadows of the trees above them brush their faces while they try to reach their camp as fast as they can.

They are still hidden between the shadows of the forest, when their camp comes into sight. Frozen fear fills her next breath when Charlie tries to take in what is happening in front of her. There is chaos. People are running. People are screaming to each other to keep on moving. She can't see Miles, her mother, Connor or Aaron. Their camp is slowly covered in a veil of deep yellow mist. Men in long coats with masks on that protect them from the poison that lingers in the air are shooting the people that are desperately trying to outrun the yellow cloud.

Bass is standing right behind Charlie while he tries to look for Connor. Panic fills his chest . His mouth is dry. His heart is beating with a strong, wild rhythm. He can't find him. He can't see Miles in the chaos in front of him. Raw fear for losing them turns his blood into ice. Wanting to kill those assholes is not far behind. That fear It's filling his blood with hot rage. Those sons of bitches have released mustard gas. They are killing his men.

He notices how Charlie starts to move towards the last line of trees that is keeping them out of sight. He grabs her by her arm. He pulls her back into the shadows of the forest. He can feel her stumble against his chest.

The trained fighter in him takes over. Surviving this is all that matters now. _Keeping her safe_ is what matters. She struggles to get away from him but Bass refuses to let go of her arm. When she looks up and her eyes meet his, he can see the anger and confusion in her eyes.

His eyes pierce into hers. His voice is rough. 'Charlie, listen to me, there is no time, we have to go.' He barks at her to make her listen. He can see it inside of her, the fear to lose more than her damn heart can take, fear that he knows so damn well himself.

When he sees the fear and need to fight in her eyes he moves his fingers under her chin to tilt her head to make her look at him. She doesn't fight him. She just looks at him with a look in her eyes that almost breaks him.

Charlie looks into Monroe's eyes. He gives her no other option. They are filled with steel blue but also with so much more that crashes straight through the wall of loathing and hate she feels for him. He is standing close enough to feel his hot breath against her face. The sensation of his rough fingers against the sensitive skin of her face is close and far away at the same time.

'We can't leave them ...I can't leave them...' Desperation makes her voice break.

She hears more screams and shots in the air, not far from her and Monroe. Thinking about the possibility that one of those screams belongs to Miles, Aaron or someone else she doesn't want to live this life without makes her almost throw up. She _can't_ leave them. She _won't_ leave them.

'I know,' Bass is pushing away his own fears while he watches how the cloud of mustard gas slowly moves their way. He knows they have to go. ' But right now we can't stay here, that gas is going to kill us Charlie.' He swallows. Something shifts within the blue of his eyes. 'Miles will find a way out for them.' His voice is softer now while he is desperately trying to give her something she can hold on to.

He can see the change in her eyes when he mentions Miles. He swallows again. The determination in her eyes, her willingness to walk right into hell and fight her way through whatever is waiting for her for the people she loves , is impossible to ignore. It is what he would do for the people he loves.

Bass turns his head to the mustard gas that's dangerously close, one more time. They have to leave. It is killing him, but they have to go. An old promise to Miles that he will never stop fighting for _their_ family keeps him going. 

Monroe's fingers are still wrapped around her arm when he gives her no other choice but to run. Charlie knows he is right. They have to go. So when he starts running, refusing to let her go, she finally surrenders. His wide shoulders are close when he leads them away from shots and the yellow poison in the ar.

With every second they run, the devastating sounds fade. The low hanging branches of the trees around them, hit her face. The pain of the rough and sharp wood hurts, but she barely feels it. They just keep on moving. Monroe takes the lead. She lets him. She forces herself to keep on breathing and to keep on moving.

Charlie has no idea how long they have been running, but when they reach an old shed, Monroe stops. It's dark under the cover of the leaves. The silence of the forest around them is deafening. It makes her want to cry and scream at the same time. She feels sick and cold. Panic and numbness are slowly spreading through her body at the same time.

The worry and fear they share are visible in both their eyes. Their thoughts are with the people they have just left behind. They breathing fills the silent space between them.

Charlie sees the rage on Monroe's face. It's palpable in the air. But she can also see behind that rage. He _lets_ her see what's behind that rage. The worry in his eyes finds a way straight to her heart. It makes the lines in his face sharper and his eyes darker. And when she will look back, she knows that this afternoon with him in this forest, changed how she sees him, again.

The tension in his jaws and shoulders hurts. His body feels like hell. His heart is heavy. He looks at Charlie, making sure she is okay. Bass feels exhausted. His thoughts are with Connor. He has just found him and now there is a possibility that he has already lost him. He can't fucking deal with life ripping the people that belong to him away from him.

He walks to the abandoned shed in front of him. He slides down one of the walls. With his back against the wall, he tries to push away the dark thoughts that start to fill his head. His first instinct was to fight and to kill. But when the mustard gas had started to spread, he had known that the only option they had left was to make sure they stayed alive, hoping Miles would lead them to safety.

He stares in front of him, lost in his dark thoughts until her voice pulls her out of it.

'So, what do we do now?' Charlie's voice is filled with doubt and hurt she can't hide from him.

This is the first time he hears honest, raw fear in her voice. This is the first time she shows him what she fears. Bass knows she is looking to him for some kind of reassurance. It makes something shift inside of him. He knows it is pathetic, but it means something right here in the middle of dark chaos. He can barely look at her when her eyes are searching for his.

'Those bastards used fucking mustard gas,' His voice sounds hoarse and it is filled with steel. 'We have to stay here, until it is safe to go back.'

His eyes are dark steel when he briefly meets her eyes. Not knowing who is still alive almost tears her apart from within. Charlie looks around her but there is nothing that can give her any comfort here. There is nothing but a silent forest. She doesn't know how she is going to survive the time that is waiting for her between here and the moment they can go back to find out if everyone they care about are still alive.

She watches Monroe. He is still sitting with his back against one of the walls of the shed. He is still staring into the empty afternoon. And a part of her hates what her heart needs. She needs something to hold onto now. She hates the way it makes her feel. She hates needing anything from anyone. She hates to admit that right now, she needs Monroe.

She walks to the old shed. He doesn't look up when she sits down next down to him. The forest around them is quiet. It is too silent after all those screams and gunshots. Her leg is touching his. Her arm brushes his. Her head is close to his shoulder. Monroe doesn't move.

She closes her eyes and listens to her own breathing. She hopes he is not going to be an asshole to her for sitting so close next to him and for needing whatever it is she needs and she is looking for, here so close to wide shoulders and steel eyes. She doesn't want to hear his smug bullshit. But he doesn't say a word. She is not sure what she is looking for but she doesn't want to move. She can't move. She slowly lets the cool air of the forest find her.

Bass feels the tension running through her body. He finally has the balls to look at her. She opens her eyes. She stares in front of her. He can see the devastation in her eyes. She isn't looking at him. He knows she can't right now. He understands why.

He also understands why she is here. He knows what she needs right now, because hell, that's what he needs too. He slowly moves his right arm before he wraps it around her shoulder. He gives her all the time she needs. The moment he feels how she relaxes and leans into him makes him swallow hard. He pulls her even closer. She lets him. He feels her head against his chest. He feels the warmth and weight of her body against his. She doesn't talk. He doesn't talk. He just wraps his hand around her head. He keeps it there, gently but without wanting to let go. He holds her, shielding her from whatever the hell is out there waiting for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to wish all of you an amazing brand new year, filled with beauty, love and stories. Thank you so much for all your reviews, kudo's, love and messages. I love all of them. I am working on chapter 2 for Memories, but I also keep on working on this re-write and I hope I can publish the next chapter soon. Love from Love


	9. Chapter 9

It feels like time stands still. It feels like it's captured under the leaves of the trees around them. Her head is resting against Monroe's chest, his arm is still wrapped around her shoulder. His hand is still wrapped around her head. His arm an unexpected protective shield between her and the possibilities that could be waiting out there for the both of them.

Somewhere deep inside, she realizes that the leather jacket that brushes against her cheek is Monroe's. It is a slow wave that finds her through all the deep emotions that fill her heart and mind. She feels powerless, filled with fear of more loss. The agony of not knowing if she has any family left, makes it impossible to move. She wants to cry but she can't. It seems like there are no more tears left to cry today. She needs something to hold onto when there is nothing left to hold onto. And today, here, on this fading afternoon she finds it with Monroe.

Bass doesn't want to fucking move. _Hell_ , he is not even sure he can move. Charlie has found her way against his chest. There is no doubt in his mind that her thoughts are where his are. Rage is slowly building inside of him when he thinks about the assholes who attacked their camp. He thinks about Connor and how me might have lost another child.

He has tried to talk to Miles over and over again, not understanding why his brother doesn't have the balls to make the decisions that have to be made while Rachel is always guarding his brother and can't stop whining about doing the right thing. But he's done. He is so fucking done with all of their bullshit and waiting and doing nothing. Dark rage washes over him while he stares into the emptiness that fills the silent forest around them

Charlie feels tension run through his body, so close to hers. It is impossible to ignore the rage that is spreading through his chest. His breathing is harsh and deep. And she knows that when she would find his eyes with hers, they would be filled with harsh steel. Without even thinking about why she does what she does, she places one of her hands on his chest. She feels the wideness of his chest under her hand. She waits.

Bass can't look at her. But her hand on his chest is like a jolt through his system. It breaks through his rage in a way that surprises him when the warmth of her skin reaches his through his shirt. He swallows. He has to fight the urge to pull her even closer. He doesn't. Because he is waiting for the moment where she realizes it is him she is sitting close to. But she doesn't move. She is still there. He knows it is probably because he is the last one here with her, and that she is holding onto something to get her thought the hours that separate them from where they are now and the moment they have to return to their camp. But a part of him wants to be more for her, here. He knows it is pathetic. He is waiting for her to push him away and hell, he would even understand. But he doesn't want her to go. So he keeps his mouth shut and his arm around her shoulder.

Charlies listens to his breathing. She is so used to walk her road alone, that she completely forgot what it feels like to be held. She isn't sure if anybody has ever held her, like he is holding her right now. It's warmth and strength, a strong shoulder and his familiar scent close. She lets him hold her, unable to do anything else. 

~~

Miles stares into the darkness that surrounds them. Rachel is sitting close to him on a tree trunk. The trees around them are like large shadows. He is thinking about Charlie. He is thinking about Bass. The attack on their camp from last afternoon still lingers in the air. He is avoiding Rachel's eyes because the raw pain in her eyes he knows so well is too damn much. It makes him feel powerless and it adds a familiar rush of something too close to panic which he can't deal with right now.

A new day had started with the sun rising above their camp. He had felt better, which was a good thing because he was tired of the nurse crap from Rachel and the small tent that had been his personal hell and prison for the past few days. But then the sky had filled with screeching birds before it had filled with mustard gas. Miles had told them all to run, while he had looked through the chaos of their camp for any sign of Charlie and Bass. The ground had been trembling under his boots because everybody was trying to outrun the threat of bullets and mustard gas that had filled the air. He had desperately tried to find them until they had run out of time.

He had lead them all to safety. The patriots hadn't discovered them. Their destroyed camp is still close to their location, hidden between the shadows of the trees. It's quiet. It's too damn quiet. Miles knows that last morning had been there. But it barely feels reel.

Scanlon is keeping his distance from him, Connor and Aaron. His thoughts are with his men. Miles knows they have to go back. Rachel is sitting in front of him. She's trembling and he doesn't know what to say to her or how to comfort her. His hand moves to her knee while he tries to connect with her. Painful memories of their months on the road after the tower find him. He pushes them away, just like the deep craving for a drink. Miles hands are almost trembling with the need for a drink to soften the angry dark fear that fills his damn bones. He moves an arm around her, feeling all the ways he can't comfort her deep inside of him before he has to let her go. He wants to tell her that he will find Charlie, but he can't make empty promises.

He tells Aaron, Gene and Scanlon to wait and stay where they are before nods to Connor. Connor exchanges a look with Miles. A strong cool breeze finds its way throug the forest before it flows through his dark curls. He tries to push the painful tension that runs through him away. He thinks about his dad. He knows things between them are quickly going to hell and that his life away from his old life in Mexico is a mess. He doesn't know what he can count on at this point, but he does know that he wants to find him.

He thinks about Charlie. He thinks about the girl who once told him in New Vegas that it was all going to end bloody for everybody and that hope didn't exist for them. He can still see her face, brushed by the light of the fire. He still remembers the raw sadness in her eyes. She barely talks about what she has been through, but he can sense she's been through hell. He still remembers how he had to swallow away the weight of much raw honesty from her. He hadn't been able to look away from her. The idea of her getting hurt, hurts. And he doesn't know what they are, but she is the closest thing to a friend he has here. He follows Miles into the darkness. They walk shoulder to shoulder. A memory of years ago is suddenly close, when it was him and Miles on the road, a road that lead him away from a mother who had decided it was better to live his life without him there. And for one moment he wonders how the hell they all ended up here before he pushes the memory of a home and a mother who let him leave him with Miles away.

When both men walk back to their former camp in silence, both of them are thinking about the same people. With every step Miles takes, his boots hit the ground under him in a heavy way. Every step towards the unknown waiting for them in their former camp is torture. He thinks about Charlie. His only hope when he had finally closed the hatch from the trunk of the tank that had been their hiding place was that she had found a way out, maybe even with Bass. Bass would take care of her. He has watched them together. He has seen how his brother treats her. He might be a moron but he knows his brother will take care of her. And hopefully, his niece is too stubborn to die. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to focus on what's happening between Charlie and Bass and how they are facing something impossible together. But I also wanted to include the relationship between Miles and Rachel and all its difficulties in this chapter. I enjoy exploring more of Miles' character. I also wanted to explore where they are all now at this point in this story, including Connor's feelings about his relationship with Bass, his new life, Charlie and a memory from the moment where Miles stepped into his life, years ago. That moment meant having to leave for Mexico with a man he barely knew. I think that moment is very important for their dynamics in the present and adds to the darkness, disappointment and anger that he might feel at this point of the story ( and this point of the season when you look at his emotions in the show). I believe it is very interesting that both Charlie and Connor have mothers who had to make a decision for their future, a decision that has a very big impact on their life in the present and who they are today. Thank you so much for your reviews for last chapter, I love working on this story and I always adore hearing from you. Love from Love


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been a while since I updated this story. Life has been intense and I have been working on my thesis and graduation. I have more time to write now so that means I can return to this project. Please know how much you mean to me, I love knowing you are out there, reading this story. I love reading your reviews and feedback so please feel free to share your thoughts. I am working on next chapter, and I want to publish a new chapter every week when I can. I am looking forward to returning to this story and rewrite. Love from Love

The light around them starts to change. More shadows appear between the trees. Charlie lets it happen, she watches how the shadows play with the mosses that cover the damp ground of the forest. Bass' leather jacket is warmth against her skin. His chest is wide and close to her head. His breathing has kept her company for the last hours that feel like non existing time. But time slowly starts to matter again.

She can't wait anymore, although a part of her wants to stay here, under the leaves of the trees and next to him, to hide under the weight of his arm. She could linger in the land between knowing and not knowing what has happened to everybody who is not here with them for hours and hours. It is where she can keep some hope alive. She wants to stay in the space, close to him where time doesn't seem to matter anymore. But her family is waiting for her, and no matter what, where and how, she will always return to them. She will never leave them behind. Even if... _No_ , she tells herself, she is not willing to finish that thought.

She wants to soak up the lines of his wide chest against her body, but she knows she can't. She has found a part of Bass here, hidden between the shadows of the trees waiting for her to find behind the mask of his cruel words and steal eyes. But she has to be who she is again, and in order to be that person, he has to become who he once was to her.

Bass swallows when he feels the tension in her body even before she starts to move. Hell, he can't tell her and he doubts he ever will, but moments like these when she shows her strength without even realizing it herself, are the moments that make him respect her even more.

So when she starts to move, Bass tenses up. He wants to hold onto her in some fucked up way but he lets her go. He wants to sit, stare, to disappear in his own misery and raw fears. But he knows he can't. They have to go. It's time to move. Icy dread is filling his chest while her warmth flows away from his body.

Charlie untangles herself from Monroe before she slowly gets up. She doesn't look at him. She can't. The only thing she can do is breathe and find her Matheson strength with her back turned towards him.

She is avoiding his eyes and he knows she has to, because it's the only way she can prepare herself for what is next. He gives her the space she needs. It's what they always seem to do. He is barely functioning himself, the thought of losing Connor or Miles is almost too much. He checks his gun and his knives while she does the same.

But then she turns around. And she looks at him. And when she is standing right in front of him, his chest is only inches away from hers. His jacket is almost touching hers while their eyes close the remaining distance. Her eyes are filled with grey clouds of pain for what they have to do next, but for one rare moment, they are also filled with a connection she rarely shows him.

Bass doesn't know what the hell to say, he just knows he is staring at her and that what he finds in her eyes means more than he can ever tell her. He hopes that the small nod he gives her, tells her what he is trying to say to her.

Charlie notices how his eyes fill with that same deep look he once gave her in the empty hallway of an abandoned school, that afternoon when he had come back for her. She lets the burn of his eyes fill her, before they both know they have to go. His shoulders are close to hers when they start walking back to their camp. And she will never tell him, but she finds more of her own strength in the way he walks close to her. 

~~

Miles craves for a bottle of anything that takes away some of the dark waves that cloud his mind. He is sitting next to Connor. Both men are sitting shoulder to shoulder under the shadow of an old tree. They had walked back to their former camp. They had walked through the silence. They hadn't been able to find any sign from Bass or Charlie. They hadn't exchanged a lot of words but both men had felt some hope that they might be out there and alive.

Miles looks at Connor. Connor's eyes are filled with distance. His jaws are locked, reminding Miles so much of Bass. Rachel's hollow eyes that have been hunting him since he had left her with Gene and Aaron, start to fade when Miles' thoughts flow to Emma. He thinks about his promise to look out for Connor that night in Jasper, so many years ago. He had been so sure he did the right thing, when Emma had asked him to help her, hiding him from Bass and walking the kid all the way to his family in Mexico.

But now Connor is here, and not some kid that has faded into the many memories he is trying to outrun, doubt is there as well. And then he thinks about her.  _Charlie._  Blue eyes and blond hair and stubbornness make it impossible the ignore the things he has been trying to drink and push away since the moment she showed up in his bar. More misery fills his deep brown eyes that have seen too much.

Miles thinks about how much Connor has changed and how much he reminds him of Emma. He thinks about her gentle, deep eyes and how she was such a big part of his life with Bass in Jasper. He can almost touch the memories that are close all of a sudden, he can hear her giggle and see Bass' grin. He can almost taste the bears they used to share on long summer nights when life was so different. He thinks about Emma, about Connor, Bass and Charlie and how the hell they have all ended up here, living a miserable life on the road when the whole world has gone to hell.

Connor looks at Miles before he stares in front of him again. His eyes are dark. Being alone with Miles again, brings back too many memories of his mom, the day Miles had arrived in his life in Jasper and all the years that have passed since that day. He remembers the dark broody look in Miles' eyes, the way he had barely talked to him and the way his mom had looked at him with a look in her eyes he had never liked. He remembers the years spent with his family before he had experienced the loneliness of a life on the streets and no home to call his own. He remembers what Nunez gave to him and how he finally felt like he was in control again. Until the day his dad showed up. A father who should have been dad. Betrayal had felt his blood that night, when he realized his mother had lied to him about who his dad was. It had added another invisible scar, adding up to the betrayal he had felt when his mother had let him walk away with a man he had never met before.

Old resentment and new rage fills his blood again, but for now, worry for what might have happened to his dad and Charlie wins. He thinks about Charlie, he thinks about her smile, the way her eyes are filled with fire when she fights and her stubborn strength. He thinks about his dad. He thinks about the battle of wanting to belong somewhere and getting to know his dad and the connection his dad has with Miles, that makes him feel like he doesn't belong anywhere. And for one moment, his heart takes him to that dangerous place of thinking about what would have happened if the power was still on and his dad would have been in his life from day one. Tension fills his jaws while he tries to swallow those thoughts away.

So both men are silent. They wait and think while they try to keep the darkness away from them in a landscape that is filled with deeper shadows now nightfall is close. All they can do now is wait. When the darkness around them is almost too much to take in and the last daylight adds grey's to the horizon, Connor finally senses a change in Miles. It adds more tension to his chest, that runs through his whole body. His eyes follow Miles' eyes to a spot close to the trees across from their former camp. 

~~

The mustard gas is gone. The patriots are gone. It's quiet.  _It's too fucking quiet._  Bass is walking right behind Charlie. His blood is filled with adrenaline His weapon in his hand, his fingers wrapped around the harshness of the cool metal. Charlie's hand is wrapped around her own. With every step they take through their former camp, the anger inside of him fades because every new heartbeat is filled with more fear of what they could find.

A sinister silence lingers in the air. The sound of death is everywhere around them. Charlie feels a dark swirl in her stomach when she recognizes one of Duncan's mercenaries on the ground. None of the men that Duncan gave to her to fight this fight with them, have survived. She feels Monroe's hand on her shoulder. His fingers are wrapped around her slender shoulder. His chest behind her is close.

They don't look at each other. They move on, their steps silent, their hearts heavy with dread. Every moment she thinks she recognizes Miles' boots, her mother's hair, Aaron's glasses or a dark jacket that is so much like Connor's, almost brings her to her knees _. Please don't be here, don't be here_. It's her mantra with every step she takes deeper into the camp.

Finally, she looks up because her eyes need to find his. There is a darkness in Monroe's eyes and the lines of his face that she can feel inside of her. And when her eyes meet his and she isn't sure how to survive another moment, a familiar whistle breaks the silence.

When Miles watches the change in Bass' shoulders the moment he lets out the whistle they have used so many times, he lets out a deep breath that was hiding in his chest until this moment. When he is finally able to move his arms around his niece, the sharp fear of what could have happened finally starts to fade. For now. He just wants to hold her close and feel her hair against his check. His mind is repeating the same thing over and over again. She is alive.  _Alive._  And here.

Charlie hides inside his embrace. But even with Miles' arms around her, her eyes are drawn to Connor and Monroe. She can't look away from Monroe's face when he puts his arm around Connor's shoulder. There is something happening in his eyes. They are softer and deeper. It's like looking at a completely different man. There is pride and strong emotions that reach her heart without being able to stop it.

Miles puts enough distance between him and Charlie to look at her. 'Almost thought we lost you morons,' he tries to keep the emotions out of his voice but he fails miserably, 'let's not do that again, shall we?'

Charlie looks up at Miles before a small grin appears on her face. They both watch how Bass embraces Connor again with pride in his eyes, relief on both their faces.

'Hey Bass..' Miles starts, turning his head to Bass with Charlie still in his arms. He looks away before he looks at Bass again. Bass locks eyes with him. Miles nods into Charlie's direction, ' thanks man.'

And there, in the middle of a quiet forest after a day filled with hell, they find something of the men they used to be.

A small nod and one look from Bass tells both men exactly how much Miles' words mean to Bass. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved exploring more of the backstory between Miles and Connor. In this chapter, I wanted to write about their dynamics and explore both Miles' and Connor's side of that story because they are both characters I love very much. I like exploring more of Connor's emotions and thoughts and add a little bit more to his story, as an explanation of the struggles inside of him and his difficult relationship with Bass and how he feels about Emma's decision. it shaped his life for good. Just like Charlie's life, his life is shaped because of a mother's decision. I love that parallel.  
> I want to thank Lady Elwing, I read her new story yesterday and it inspired me to publish this chapter today and to return to this world and these characters I love so very much. Thank you! ( go read her story Lust for Life when you have time, it is beautiful! )


	11. Chapter 11

Darkness fills the horizon. Charlie is walking behind Miles and Monroe. Miles is leading them back to her mother, Aaron, her grandfather and Scanlon. Conner is walking next to her. His hands are in the pockets of his jeans and a slow, genuine smile appears on his face.

'Good to have you back.' His voice sounds deep before it fades into the darkness of the forest around them. He means it. There are so many emotions that cloud her eyes and there is a new kind of distance between them since Austin, but it is impossible to not care about her. The light of the moon illuminates the path in front of them.

Charlie looks at Connor. Walking next to him and seeing that grin on his face reminds her of New Vegas, when everything had been so different. He had been different. She had been different. There is a slow burning sadness hiding in his eyes, here in this forest tonight when they are walking shoulder to shoulder again, that tells her he is finally understanding what she had meant when she had told him in New Vegas that their fight was a hard one, and that she'd rather be realistic instead of believing in hope.

She has to smile back, because of the honest care in his voice. Some kindness inside of him is still surviving, but she is not sure for how long it can survive. Something inside of him is changing, just like the world outside the gates of Sylvania Estates changed her. She can see that change as dark cloud in his eyes.

She doesn't talk. She's too tired to talk. She keeps on walking, telling herself to keep on going. She's happy see can see the familiar lines of Miles' shoulders in front of her. Her eyes find Monroe's shoulders, walking next to Miles. An overwhelming sense of relief had moved through her body when Miles had told her everybody was all right and safe. She's exhausted, but her strength keeps her on her feet.

She spots her mother in the distance and when they reach her and Aaron, she lets her mother embrace her. It's uncomfortable after their last conversation and all the emotions that had finally reached the surface. But she lets her. Because even after everything that has happened today, for a small moment in time seeing each other again is bigger than everything else that is happening between them.

'Hey kiddo' , Aaron smiles at her when her mother lets go of her, before he pulls her into his arms. And finally, she feels like she can embrace a part of her home again. He adds some warmth to a long, cold day.

'Come one..' Miles' voice moves through the darkness of the forest around them, when he tells them with an intense look in his eyes and a short nod that they have to keep moving. 

~~

They walk for two hours before they find their new safe house. Everybody is quiet. Something heavy lingers in the air. Monroe is walking close to her. A heavy tension fills his shoulders. And she can sense it. There is a storm building up in the air.

Without hesitation she accepts the food and water Aaron gives to her. She sits down. Miles starts a fire. Connor moves a blanket around her shoulders. Her hand brushes against her hair before he walks back to Monroe Her grandfather insists on making sure she's okay, even though she keeps insisting that she's fine.

Slowly, the long day catches up with her. And she knows, she needs some time alone. Miles and Connor are standing close to Monroe in the back of their safe house. Scanlon is keeping his distance from the three of them. When she gets up from her place near the fire they have started, Rachel immediately reacts. Charlie starts talking before she can.

'Don't worry mom, I won't go far. I just need some air.' With a reassuring nod she stretches her legs and walks away from the fire and her mother.

Bass follows her with his eyes, before her eyes find his. She is on her way to the door. He know she needs her space. And he knows that even if he would open his mouth and tell her to stay here, inside their safe house where he and Miles can keep an eye on her, she will never listen. He's about to let her go with his eyes when she's almost out of the door, when her eyes light up. He freezes.

She' s almost outside and while her eyes connect with his, her thoughts take her back to the almost surreal moment she had shared with him not that long ago. And she remembers _. His wide shoulders, the hard line of his body. His hand wrapped around her hair. His scent close._  That unexpected moment between them has woken up something inside of her. The barely visible nod she gives to him, is there there before she can think it through.

But then she sees it happen, right there in his eyes. She can see his face change. Harsh lines appear on his face and she can feel his familiar contained rage inside her belly. He lets her go with his eyes and she keeps on walking, out of the door and into the night where the cool, night air reaches her. 

~~

When she has walked outside, it is just him and his rage again. He is tired as hell. But the rage wins. When he had heard the familiar whistle from Miles, and saw Connor standing beside his brother, he had felt tears of relief and exhaustion in the back of his throat. His son was alive. And not only was his son alive, Miles had thanked him for taking care of Charlie. He had not thanked him in fucking forever. But that was two hours ago. And one look at Rachel talking to Miles, with that holier than thou look back in her eyes, fills his blood with more rage.

He puts his hands on the table in front of him. Irritation fills his chest. He's done waiting. He's done losing men while they sit around and do nothing but arguing about right and wrong.

When he looks up again, Rachel's eyes are there, piercing into his while she keeps on talking to Miles.  _Hypocritical bitch._ His voice is deep and low when he barks at his brother. 'Miles, we need to talk. 'Now.' 

~~

Charlie moves her gun to the familiar place between the waistband of her jeans and the skin of her lower back. She walks away from the safe house and into the darkness of the night without aim. She can vaguely distinguish the voices of Miles and Monroe, coming from the safe behind her. There's no doubt in her mind that their discussion will be about what to do next. And she will follow both men into whatever will be next, but right now she needs space to breathe. 

~~

Connor watches how his father's eyes fill with dark irritation. He can sense the shift in him. Miles joins them both. Scanlon looks at the three men.

'What are you thinking?' Miles looks directly at Bass.

'If this is how they want to play it, using mustard gas?' Images from their former camp, the frustration from the past months and the raw fear of losing more family,  _his only family,_  are fueling his rage. 'Then we hit them back, and we hit them back hard. We are going to beat them at their own game.'

'You want to steal some of their mustard gas,' Miles replies. It isn't a question.

'One tank of gas and we take out fifty patriots, maybe more if we stick it in the right place.' He looks at Miles but he knows Rachel and Gene are listening from their place near the fire on the other side of the room. He swears that he will kill them fucking both if they start whining about the right thing right the hell now.

'And what is the right place?' Miles looks at him.

'Where ever it hurts the most, even if that's in the middle of Willoughby,' His voice is filled with depth. He looks with steel in his eyes towards Gene and Rachel. If the bitch is going to open her mouth now, he is not sure what he is going to do. 'And I am not going to hear it. Not from that bitch, not from that old man and certainly not from you. I am done talking Miles,' more anger is building up in his voice.

'Shut up for a second,' Miles tries to break some of the raging tension inside Bass. He knows that rage. He knows his brother.

Connor looks from his father to Miles. He is not sure what the hell Miles is going to do. But there is a wave of satisfaction burning inside of him now his father is finally opening his mouth. He can finally see a part of Sebastian Monroe, the man that lead a Republic, instead of listening to the bullshit from Rachel and Miles. And finally, his father is ready to act and to keep his promise of the Republic they would build together. Together. It's the promise he left his life in Mexico for. It's the promise that finally makes him feel there is a home waiting out there for him. Something they can build, rule and control together.

'No, I am done talking, done talking about right and wrong.'  _Fuck,_  is he the only one right now that understands that if they want to make it out of this hell alive, they should retaliate, fast? But he is done waiting. He is going to fight the hell back. Now. Even if it means he has to do it with just his kid and Scanlon. Hell, he doesn't know where his next thought comes from. But the thought of Charlie right by his side isn't far. A fucked up part inside of him wishes she was here, like she always seem to be when he and Miles are trapped in another discussion from hell. 'Because we are losing Miles, we lost twenty men today.'

He looks at Miles, frustrated and thinking about what the fuck happened to the brother that fought with him, side by side, time after time for all those years. The brother he shared his whiskey with when they were building their Republic, the brother that had no problem to make the decisions that had to be made. 'Because the only thing that matters now, is stop the whining about right and wrong and do something. Anything. It is war, and the guy I knew understood that.'

Both men lock eyes. And when he is sure Miles will tell him to go to hell, Miles looks straight at him.

'All right, okay, I get it,' Miles locks eyes with him, 'I'm in.' 

~~

Charlie has found a quiet place, not far from their safe house. She lets her head lean against the bark of the tall tree while she's sitting in the quiet darkness of the forest that surrounds her. She closes her eyes. And then she opens them again, because her mind is filled witch chaotic memories.  _Austin, Jason, Neville. Miles, the mustard gas, Monroe. Their days on the road. Vegas. Philly. Whatever the hell happened there with her mom. And him._  Her mind stops there. And instead of the anger she had felt from the moment she had found out about that moment, this time it's hurt that comes first. And she doesn't know why it's there. She does know she's pissed it matters. Because why the hell does a part of her care who Monroe would share his bed with?

She listens to the forest. She knows she should go back. But the truth is that although she's grateful and relieved that her mother is alive, when the adrenaline from this day slowly fades, reality finds her again. The reality of all the things that are still there between her and her mother. Her mind takes her back to the intense conversation she had with her mother before the attack on their camp. It was painful but it had brought many unsaid things into the open for her. Charlie knows things will never be as they should be between a daughter and a mother. Things are still hard, but somehow, after Neville had pulled that trigger and she had walked away from that alive, things are more clear than they have been in a very long time.

And then she realizes it. She doesn't only want to live. But she also wants to live her life. To listen to what she feels, to find out what she needs and fight for the things that matter to her. Because at the end of the day that's exactly what everyone else around her does. She isn't the same person that left her home to walk all the way to Chicago to get Miles. She lets the calm feeling of this totally new way of looking at the world around her,  _her world_ , wash over her.

So she sits there in the night for hours. She waits. She breathes. When she finally walks back to their safe house, she hears Monroe's voice before she sees him. He is standing in front of Miles, outside their safe house. They are in the middle of one of their discussions. She wants to ask what the hell is going on. But then she sees Connor's face who is standing behind Monroe. She watches her mother standing in the doorway of the safe house, looking at both men arguing. And it's the cold excitement on her mother's face that tells her something is wrong. And when she looks at Monroe's face again, she isn't sure if it's rage or a bitter kind of hurt she notices first.

When she walks towards both men, Connor turns around to face her.

'What the hell is going on here?' She looks at Connor.

'That psycho blonde pulled another one of her stunts, together with your uncle' Connor nods towards her mother. His voice is filled with bitter aggression. 'They played us,' His jaw is filled with tension when he looks at Monroe and away from her.

It feels like someone punches her right in her face. 'I am going to need a little more than that,' Charlie snaps back at him.

'Do you see that in there?' Connor is pointing towards a canister inside the safe house. 'That's the mustard gas Miles, Scanlon, my dad and me stole from the patriots.' His dark eyes fill with more irritation. 'Well, it's an empty tank of mustard gas now, thanks to your mother' He added with a dark sarcasm. 'Because the moment we came back, Miles decided to switch teams to team hugs and rainbows. One moment he was talking about having some whiskey outside to celebrate, the other moment my dad, Scanlon and I found ourselves locked out as we had to watch how your psycho mom neutralized the gas. '

Charlie looks from Connor to Miles and her mother. She's still trying to understand everything Connor just told her.

'Add I haven't even told you the best part...' Connor starts as he tells her everything about the moment Miles and her mom had pretended things between them had been over in order to play Monroe, before they all had left to steal the gas. Charlie listens at how both her mother and Miles had pretended they were done. And her heart cringes, knowing they used whatever the hell is happening between them, to get what they want.

'Jesus,' Charlie mutters while disappointment fills her heart. She watches her mother watching Miles and Monroe, she sees Miles standing in front of Monroe. She knows the past years have filled themselves with endless moments of loss, betrayal and hurt for them. But Miles had shown his true colors when it came to Monroe. She had seen them, that night she had found her uncle in that bar in Willoughby when they had both thought they had lost Monroe. She knows the truth. They are still brothers. But one look at her mother and the cold look in her eyes and one look at her Miles and Monroe, and she knows that everything is different. Again. And she is not sure what is going to happen, but she knows the storm she had felt in the air, is finally here. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have borrowed some lines from an episode from season 2, to include canon and to show you where we are at this point in the season ( I don't own anything from Revolution, I just love it). One of the reasons I love this rewrite is creating more space for certain other layer's of the story. As you can see I added more of Charlie's side and Connor's side to certain scenes, because I really missed that point of view in the episode. Love from Love


	12. Chapter 12

 

Heavy tension fills the air. Miles is staring at Monroe. The air around them is filled with a storm of anger that radiates of Monroe's whole body. He is not looking at her. But she is looking at him. Connor is standing next to her while her heart fills with a mixture of disappointment and a new wave of betrayal, because her mother used whatever was happening between her and Miles to play Monroe.

Charlie looks at Miles. She looks at the two men, staring at each other while their eyes are filled with the darkest version of themselves.

She trusts her uncle enough to know that he had his reasons to disagree with Monroe. The look on Monroe's face before she had walked out of their safe house and into the quiet darkness of the night, had reminded her of the General she had met in Philly. It was there, in the steel calculated rage in his eyes.

Things had changed since she came back to Willoughby with him. He's different. Or maybe she is.  _But maybe, he is different when he is with her._  It's another truth she can barely think about for reasons she doesn't want to acknowledge. But she's realistic enough to understand that Monroe will always be a man of darkness, roughness and impulses of destruction and rage. But there has been more. She has seen Monroe, but she has seen Bass too.

She has seen the man who sat next to her for a full day while the sky had filled with thunder and rain in Pottsboro, realizing he had saved her life after she had woken up. He had saved her from those vultures in that bar. Vultures who almost took a part of her that was not theirs to take. She still remembers his determined rage when he had killed his way through every men that had tried to hurt her.

She has seen the man who had come back for her, for a reason she had never completely figured out, on that afternoon in the school, when they had been looking for Aaron. This is the man who was willing to sacrifice his own life in a cage fight in Vegas, so his own son could live. This is the man who had given her an unexpected lifeline, with his chest close and his arm around her, so she had been able to make it through impossible hours filled with not knowing if she had any family left, only hours ago. This is the man she follows into battle.

And after everything, this is the man she had saved from an lethal injection months ago. This is the man she saved in Vegas, risking her own life for his. That's the man he became to her.

It's almost impossible and she struggles with this daily, but the way she looks at the man who was nothing more to her than destruction and hate, has changed. She can see more of him. When things go to hell, she fights for him and she will fight with him. Because he would fight for her. He fights  _with_  her. How much she tries to deny who he is and what he has become to her and what he did for her, his actions,  _and his eyes_ , reveal who he is over and over again.

Charlie knows Monroe has made decisions of destruction and rage, mistakes that could never be undone. But this, after months of being on the road together and fighting their fight? Playing Monroe? And what? Her mother and Miles pretending to break up? How old where they? Fucking twelve?

Intense hurt and frustration covers Monroe's face, as he stands right before her uncle. But then the rage takes over. His fists are connecting with Miles' chest, punch after punch.

'You said you wanted to win,' his words come out in a deep growl.

'I do, and I will. We're the good guys, it's time we started acting it.' Miles looks at Bass.

'Who are you?' Bass is slowly circling Miles, 'God, Rachel is so far up your ass.' His eyes fill with dark loathing.

'Oh no, this doesn't have anything to do with Rachel. This is about you and me.'

Miles' words reach her. And something happens inside of her when he says those words out loud. Because this is about her mother too. Because every time a decision has to be made, her mother is there, trying to pull Miles away from Monroe and from whatever had to be done.

But it's war. Decisions have to be made. It's what Miles taught her and even more than that, it is what she belives needs to happen. She knows she can't beat the kaki threat, but she does know she will never stop fighting. So she gets where Monroe is coming from.

She knows about the struggle inside of Miles. She knows about her mother's guilt and who she used to be, pulls her towards wanting to do the right thing to make up for things she did, to her family and the world, that might never be fixed. She has felt Miles' doubt after he had let that patriot brainwashed kid go, when Neville and Truman had attacked them.

She knows. She understands. But a part of her isn't so sure anymore that this wasn't personal from her mother's side. Knowing about what happened between her and Monroe in Philly gives some of her mother's actions a completely new meaning. She has been trying to deny what happened in Philly, she has been trying to keep that truth away from her and Miles. And Charlie knows that Monroe's knows. And she understands. She finally understands a little bit more about everything that has happened. She understands his rage and frustration.

'I told you, it is different now,' Bass is desperately trying to reach his brother.

Charlie can't look away from Bass. She can't keep his pain away from her own heart while images of everything she has seen from the man standing in front of her flow through her mind.  _Pottsboro, Vegas._

'You keep making the same mistakes, pushing the people away that care about you. And you're going to end up alone.' Miles pauses for a moment, his eyes are still on Bass. 'You know why? Because you haven't changed.'

Charlie feels a sting of pain at Miles' accusation. And just like that, she feels the familiar wave of needing and wanting to fight. It is slowly filling her body and heart.

'You are wrong,' Bass' eyes move to an even darker place. He pushes Miles away, his hands crashing into Miles' chest to add extra force to his words. 'You are wrong.'

A deep strength is building inside of Charlie. Listening to Miles, looking at Bass, it all wakes something up inside of her. She's unable to not see and feel the raw hurt on Monroe's face that's now so close to the surface. It's impossible to ignore her mother's look, while she is still standing in the doorway of their safe house. There is a deep sense of finally being ready to say what she did not know she had wanted to say for so long. Until now. Her voice breaks the sharp silence between her uncle and Monroe.

'He is trying,' she takes a deep breath to calm herself, 'He can still be a son of a bitch, but he is trying.'

Miles looks confused and surprised at the same time, when he looks at his niece. Everybody's looking at her now. She doesn't care.

'Believe me, I am not a member of his fan club,' her voice is strong, while she looks at Monroe for a second, 'and believe me, he knows.' There is Matheson' sarcasm in her voice.

Bass' eyes light up when the person he least expected to talk, opens her mouth. He doesn't know what the hell he feels. He does know he can't look away from her.

When her words are finally released , coming from a place where she has hidden them for such a long time, she can't stop anymore. She looks at Miles and her mother. 'Do the both of you have any idea what kind of hell Vegas was like?'

Bass swallows. Panic fills his chest when Charlie touches a memory filled with so much raw fear and darkness. His mouth feels dry all of a sudden.

'Charlie..' There's strong warning inside of Monroe's voice. She ignores it. She ignores him. She just keeps on talking. She nods to Connor.

His eyes have softened, unable to keep the emotions out of his eyes and the memories of what happened in New Vegas away from his heart. He can still feel the cold, miserable rain on his skin when daylight had filled the horizon. He remembers the small cage, not knowing Charlie had been alive and sitting next to a father he would have to kill. Knowing this was probably the last morning he would have with a father he had just met. They've never talked about it. He has tried to forget about it, just like he tries to forget about the many lonely memories of his days on the streets in Mexico. Until Charlie brings it all back.

'Do you have any idea what he was willing to do for Connor? Just because I have never told him doesn't mean I don't have respect for what he was about to do for Connor in Vegas, when Gould came up with his disgusting idea of a dog fight. He was willing to give his life without any doubt. Give his life for his son..'

She can't look at her mother when she frees those last words. It's hard to keep on talking. But she has to. She can sense the change in Monroe, while her eyes meet his for a second and the dark intensity in his eyes is almost too much.

Miles looks absolutely stunned, her mother has that nervous twitch Charlie knows so well around her lips. Charlie takes another breath to brace herself for what she  _has_ to say next. 'And just because I have never thanked him for saving my life, because that's what he did... that doesn't mean I am not grateful for what he did, for getting me out of there.'

Her voice is breaking now. 'They almost raped me in that bar…and he got me out of there. He saved my life.'

Miles' eyes fill with rage and guilt when he realized what almost happened to her. Connor feels the same heartbreak for her he had felt in an alley in Austin, looking at her when she was hurt and so lost.

Bass listens to her. His eyes fill with shock. It is the first time she has talked about Pottsboro. He has never mentioned it because he doesn't want to bring back memories that hurt her so damn much. And all he can do is stand there and tell himself to not move because all he fucking wants to do now is walk over to her and be closer to her, when her voice breaks and raw hurt fills her voice. Showing them a side of her she rarely shares with them.

Charlie's tastes the salt of her tears. The silence around her is almost deafening. Nobody moves. Nobody talks. Her eyes find Monroe's before she has to look away. She can't look at him any longer. Tears start to fill her eyes, when she finally lets the memories of that horrible night in again. She stares at the forest ground in front of her. The shame and fear and sense of absolute abandonment from that moment are there all over again, right before her body had lost its fight to the drugs. The memory of those disgusting men cornering her before Monroe had been there, is so very close again. She pushes her tears away, as she looks up at her mother and Miles again.

Miles starts to walk in her direction, shooting a questioning look at Bass. Bass swallows when his brother's eyes find his and he finally knows the truth about how he had saved Charlie's life. Because hell, he did. He can still remember holding her in his arms, when he had walked her out of that bar. He can still remember how much he had wanted her to wake up and give him hell. He can still taste the rage he had felt when he had looked through the window of the bar, realizing what those assholes were going to do to her.

'No,' her voice is firm when she looks at Miles, while she's finding some of her strength again. And he might have been a General, but one word from his niece makes him stop right there.

Charlie's clouded blue eyes find Miles' eyes. 'Seriously, how old are you guys?,' She looks at her mother, making sure Miles knows that she knows and what she is talking about, 'We are doing fake break ups now? Seriously?' She watches how his eyes darken, but she doesn't stop.

'I get that you had your reasons for wanting to stop him Miles, but not like this. You can tell me all you want, but I know that there is still loyalty and some form of friendship between you and him. So, fight him. Fight each other. Go for another round of killing each other. Go for it. But this. This...'

Rachel steps away from the doorway, and is coming her way. 'Charlie, I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you,' She pauses, there's worry on her face, before she continues, ' I know you think there is something human left inside of him, but believe me, he is just doing what he does, to get what he wants.' Rachel shoots an icy look of loathing towards Monroe. ' He is still the same monstrous...'

Charlie feels her blood starting to boil at this point. Seriously, where they here again? It's like those first days after she had come back to Willoughby all over again, when she had tried to make her mother understand why she had brought Monroe back. Why they needed him. What he did for her. How much more she has seen of him. Did her mother even listen to anything she has just said? This time, when her mother is standing in front of her, she knows about her secret, she knows about Philly. She knows about what hides in her hate and loathing looks for Monroe as well.

Charlie looks up up when she feels movement behind her. When she turns towards Monroe, he is avoiding her eyes. And then he starts to move. Connor and Scanlon are not far behind him as they all grab their bags and weapons. She realizes she has missed an entire silent conversation between the three men when she had been looking at her mom.

Bass stops in front of Miles. 'Screw you Miles, and screw that bitch,' He points his fingers at Rachel. His voice is dark and rough.

Charlie watches him, as she desperately wants to do something, to say something. But all her emotions keep her in one place and she is not sure what to say to him. She looks at Monroe who is walking away from her. Her heart can barely take the sight of some who walks away from her. Again.

Every time his boots hit the forest ground, he painfully adds more distance between her and him. She watches him, until he disappears into the line of trees. And one thought repeats itself over and over again, screaming through the silence around them. He is gone. He has left her. The only thing left is a loaded silence in the air. He never once looks back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  I loved giving Charlie a voice in this chapter. In this episode, things happen in a different way than they did in this chapter. I loved writing that change and to let certain moments of season 2, like New Vegas and Pottsboro return to this part of the season and within the dynamics between Charlie's and Bass' character. I loved exploring Charlie's point of view and to make room for what she thinks and feels and why. I also wanted to explore more of Rachel's struggles and to explore more of the layers of the dynamics between her and Bass. At this point we know that her anger and loathing for him must have something to do with her decision for 'that night in Philly'. I think it adds an interesting layer to the story. Bass could have told Miles about what happened in Philly, the moment Miles denies that what is happening here, has anything to do with Rachel. Maybe he does feel that way, but I always thought it would have been interesting what would have happened if Bass told him about that night at this point when there is so much hurt, anger and disappointment in the air. Thanks for your feedback and kind messages, they mean a lot to me! Love from Love


	13. Chapter 13

Bass stares into the flames of the small fire in front of him. The colors of the flames brush his face and follow the lines of his jaws until they reach his eyes. His elbows are resting on his knees. Connor is asleep. Scanlon is sitting on the other side of the fire, taking sips from the small amount of booze they had left. They have barely talked since they had left the others. He has no idea how to deal with all the hurt and frustration inside of Connor that is reaching the surface. But he gets it. After everything he has been through, he gets it.

It's fucking freezing now midnight is on its way to dawn. Silent rage still keeps him company. Miles conned him, like he's fucking nothing. Like all the years of their shared pasts don't matter to him. Like everything he did for him, didn't mean one fucking thing. He had followed his brother when he had tried to reach his family, weeks after the blackout. He had stood there, right next to Miles, while his brother's eyes had filled with desperate rage because the world around them was going to hell. He had followed his brother all the way to Philly.

He has been there for him since they were kids and on every fucked up day and for all those long endless nights when they had shared a bottle, fading memories and the agony of surviving in a blackout world. He had saved Charlie's life. He had walked down half the map, to help his brother, to help them all. He had stayed, after returning from Mexico with Connor, even after all the betrayal from a brother who had had helped Emma to hide his kid, knowing he had lost another child.

He had tried to reach a brother who he no longer recognized. He had to watch that whole fake break up bullshit. And he had believed it. He had listened to the endless whining from Rachel, who was never leaving Miles' side like she was mother Theresa, nagging on and on about doing the right thing and about what a monster he was, accusing him for forcing her that night in Philly, when she damn well knew he hadn't. They both needed it that night. It happened for all the wrong reasons, but it happened, and not because he had forced her.

He adds another log to the fire, while the forest is filled with nightly sounds and cool air creeps over the forest ground. They are losing, while the patriots are taking over half the continent. They have to make a stand. Now. He's not going to sit around on his ass, doing nothing, when everything around them goes to hell. He has no fucking idea why Miles doesn't want to fight,  _together,_  like they have always done.

And then his mind takes him to the one person he has been trying to get out of his damn mind.  _Charlotte._  Out of all the Mathesons, it was her who had stood up for him. _Again_. What the hell was going on with her? After she had saved his life when Texas had tried to kill him, they had been able to fight together and spend their days together. Until she had slept with his son. Things went downhill from there, it had created a new kind of distance between them although the intensity of their eyes locking had never been so strong. He had never thought she would go near a Monroe, and when she had, she chose _his.fucking.kid_. Out of all the men out there, she had chosen a Monroe.

It had stung more than he had ever expected. He was surprised it stung at all. He can still remember her and the way she had looked at him after he returned from his negotiations with Duncan. He had stood there like some fucking moron, his voice raw and hoarse when he was finally able to talk to her.

Finding her with his kid that night in Vegas,  _the light of the fire brushing her skin, her hair flowing over her shoulders to her breasts_ , has changed how he looks at her. He has noticed her before.  _Hell,_  he's a man, not a saint. But after that day she wasn't just Miles' niece anymore. It woke up something more inside of him, something that had already been there. He had told himself to stop looking at her _, at her lips, her eyes, the way she moved when she walks in front of him_ , but his eyes always linger longer then they should on the tanned smooth skin right above her jeans before her tank would hide the rest of her body from him. And he's not able to figure her out. It's like she pulls him closer until she decides to push him away.

Her words from earlier today still linger in the air. She had finally told Miles how he had saved her life in Vegas, she had revealed what he was willing to do for his son. There had been respect in her words. He had no idea in hell how much it would mean to him to hear those words from her, until it finally happened.

They have never talked about New Vegas, they have never talked about Gould, about Duncan and everything that happened after they had walked into the tent where they met Duncan. He knows Charlie had to twist Duncan's arm to help her, but he never realized what kind of impact that day had on her. Until tonight. He had watched her, standing in front of Miles and Rachel, full of fire. Her eyes had been filled with something he had never seen before. It was like the first time he met her in Philly, all over again. He just couldn't take his eyes of her.

When that fire had left her eyes and made way for something else when she had started to talk about that night Pottsboro. He had never seen her like this, he has never seen this vulnerable side of her.

Charlie's always a mix of Matheson stubbornness, fierceness and challenge. Until today. Until tonight. When he saw her brake, it was almost too much to take. It was almost unbearable to listen to her, defending him. He can't remember when somebody did that for him. The only thing he had been able to do was look at her. Until Rachel had opened her mouth and rage had filled his blood. If he had to listen to her one more time, calling him a monster, unwilling to look at all her own decisions, he would have fucking killed her. Charlie's eyes had followed him when he had left. He had felt it. He did not wanted to leave her. But he couldn't stay. 

~~

 Charlie doesn't know how long she has been staring into the darkness in front of her. She doesn't know how long she has been staring at the point where Bass and Connor have disappeared into the line of trees. She understands why he had to leave. But she also meets a new hollowness, one she hasn't experienced before.

Miles and her mother are still standing close to her. It's her mother's voice that finally pulls her away from the dark lines of the trees in front of her.

'You never told me, you never told me about that night, Charlie.' Rachel tries to reach her daughter. Her heart is full of guilt for not knowing about what happened to her child.  _No_ , she tells herself. She did know. But it's hard to acknowledge it. That guilt is there for not wanting to look at a daughter who needed her and who was trying to tell her what happened to her after she left, months after the Tower. Months were she had not been able to be the mother she should have been for her. Again. She had not been able to look at what Charlie was trying to tell her, because the cold burning hate for one man made that impossible for her.

Charlie turns around to face her mother. Her head is spinning with so many thoughts and emotions, that it's hard to figure out what she is going to say first.

'No mom, I  _did_  tell you about that night. I told you, Monroe saved my life. I told you the moment we came back to Willoughby.'

She crosses her arms before her chest , fighting the memories of a night she has been trying to forget. She is back in the kitchen, where she told her mother for the first time that Monroe had saved her life. 'You just didn't want to hear it, did you.'

And for the first time, she can see the truth in her mother's eyes, she sees how her mother realizes what she tells her is true. Because she did try to tell her about that bar, about Monroe, about everything that had almost happened there.

Rachel isn't sure what to do or what to say, remembering their conversation after Charlie returned to Willoughby in the kitchen of the home she grew up in, months ago. She wants to comfort her child but she is not sure if Charlie will let her. Her heart is unable to make a choice.

Charlie feels a wide hand on her shoulder. It's strong and warm and it's grounding her. When she looks up, Miles is looking at her. She understands what he is trying to say, and she knows how hard it is for Miles to find the right words in moments like these. Rachel feels the pain of realizing that Miles is able to give to Charlie what she can't right now while she listens to hear daughter and watches them both. Charlie nods in his direction with gratitude in her eyes. She ignores the small shake of her mother's head while she accepts what Miles is giving to her.

'Miles, I know so much has happened between you and him. I know. The only thing I wanted to say, is that I have seen a different part of him. A part of the man you grew up with. He saved my life. I fought with him, I spent weeks and weeks with him. And if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be standing here.'

The amount of hurt in Miles eyes, when she talks about Monroe and him, hurts her.

'Charlie, I've known Bass for a long time, and apparently he came through for you, and I am happy he did. But what he wanted to do tonight...' '

'I know and I understand why you wanted to stop him. But like this?'

Miles moves his hand through his hair, his other hand is resting on the hilt of his sword. His heart is at war, while Charlie pulls him back to the man he used to be, when the world and he, had been so different. His eyes move from his niece to the ground before his boots.

Charlie takes one step towards Miles, her hand lands on his arm. She chooses her next words very carefully.

'I gave you a chance Miles, it feels like a lifetime ago but it isn't. Do you think it was easy for me to find out I was standing next to the Butcher of Baltimore, standing next to General Matheson? I know what you did. But I also know who you are now and who you were. I remember you. And I would fight to hell and back with you. And that's because I gave you a chance. You are my family, but a long time ago, Monroe was part of our family too.'

Her voice has gotten softer, without losing any of her determination.  _Maybe he still is._  It's the words she doesn't say out loud but she knows Miles thinks about them as well as those four unsaid words linger in the air between them. It's the first time she shares with Miles that she remembers them both.

Rachel looks at Miles and Charlie. Memories of decades ago and the strong bound between Miles and Bass reach the surface, together with old jealousy of what they had and still have, something she has never shared with Miles. She searches for Miles' eyes with hers.

'Miles, you did the right thing, he had to be stopped. He's gone now. You are not him, you are not Monroe. He's poison, he is not your family anymore.'

Charlie feels loathing when she listens to her mother.  _You screwed him. But here you are, talking about him like he is monster and you are some angel. Like it's all so black and white. Talking about the right thing, when you shared a bed with him. You shared a night and a bed with the same man you accuse of so much. That is how much of a monster you thought he really was._  Charlie almost says those words out loud. She has to dig her fingernails into the palm of her hands to stop herself. Because it will tear Miles apart, this will tear their whole group apart. And if her mother went for the whole 'Monroe forced me' thing now, Charlie is sure that Miles will believe her. They need each other to fight the patriots. That's what she came back for. And she won't stop fighting their fight. For Danny, for her dad. For Maggie and Nora. For Jason. But most of all, for herself. She is not going to stop now.

She suddenly feels exhausted from all the old bullshit between the people that came back into her life the past two years.

So she does the only thing she can think off. Dawn is only hours away, she can sense it in the air. The forest is waiting for her. She walks into the safe house to grab her bag and crossbow and walks back towards Miles and her mother.

'Hey, are you sure..' Miles starts. She doesn't let him finish.

'Believe me Miles, it's better for anyone if I go hunting,' She keeps on walking. She doesn't wait for his answer. She doesn't look back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I wanted to start with Bass' point of view and to explore his thoughts and emotions about Connor, Emma's decision and Miles'decision to help her to hide Connorr in Mexico, his life with Miles, when they were younger and those years around the blackout and the way he looks at Charlie. I also wanted to write this dialogue between Rachel, Miles and Charlie, where I added more from Rachel's point of view and a little bit of her story and the way she feels about Miles' past with Bass. I believe that jealousy is a part of the way she feels about them. I also wanted to reveal at this point in the story that Charlie does remember Bass, as a part of her family in the past, and let her confront Miles about what happened. I really enjoy adding that to this story. Thank you so much for your feedback, I really appreciate it! Love from Love
> 
>  


	14. Chapter 14

 

When Bass senses movement between the trees before he hears it, his eyes are immediately drawn to the spaces filled with darkness between the trees. His hand reaches for his weapon. He tells Scanlon that he will handle it.

When he finds his way through the forest, the light of their camp slowly fades between the trees. It's dark, but he recognizes the sound of her boots immediately.

'Damn it, Charlie, what the hell are you doing here?' he barks, 'Are you trying to get yourself killed?' He curses at himself for those last words. He curses at himself for caring about what the fuck happens to her.

The light of their campfire in the distance reaches her face. She raises her eyebrow, shooting him a look that is so like Miles that it makes him swallow thickly.

Charlie knows him well enough to know what's behind his growl. When she had walked away from her mother and Miles, she hadn't planned on tracking him down. But there had been something that had pulled her into his direction, something that made her start looking for and following his tracks. She had tracked him down. Again. She had walked until she had seen a small fire between the nightly shadows of the trees ahead of her. She had stood there and had looked at him, staring in the fire with a dark intensity in his eyes that was so much like him. She had stepped on a branch on purpose, knowing the sound of the wood breaking under her boot would catch his attention. She has spent weeks with him, she knows how his mind works.

And now he's standing in front of her, looking impossibly tall. It's reminding her of the man that had once ruled a whole Republic. The deep blue of his eyes pierces into hers. Stubbornness and doubt are fighting the words she wants to say to him now it is him and her, here, together, alone. She curses at herself, she's cursing her decision to track him. But before she can talk, he opens his mouth.

'You are here to say goodbye to my son or thank me for giving up my life in Vegas so you didn't have to lose your fuck buddy?'

They both remember her words about Vegas from earlier today. Bass regrets the words the moment they come of out of his mouth.  _Fuck._ He doesn't know why he chose those words, but the fucked up thought of her being here f _or him_  makes him want to push her away.

Sharp hurt appears in her eyes, before her strength takes over. She doesn't look away from him. 'You don't get to talk to me like that Monroe, not after you screwed my mom.'

She wants to walk away, she wants to start telling herself she needs to forget he ever existed. But she doesn't. She can't. Her heart always pulls her back to him, no matter what she tells herself or does to erase what's she feels when he is around. She takes one step closer to him. And then another one. She doesn't stop until she is just as close to him like she had been that day they had stood on a silent road in the forest, right before she had told him to go to hell for suggesting she would take him back to her family. One look at him, and she knows he remembers that day too. She can see the memory burn in the smug depth of his eyes.

He can be an asshole all he wants, but she's a Matheson. She is not going down without a fight.

'I didn't do that for Connor you stupid son of a bitch, I did it for you,' Her rage and everything that is hiding behind that rage makes her body tremble, when she's finally able to be honest with herself  _and with him_. 'And it's none of your damn business, but it happened once, one time,'

She doesn't want to share this with him, she doesn't even understand why it is so important for her that he knows this.

Her warm breath brushes against his face. Her lips are too fucking close and images of what he wants to do with those lips rush through his system. The blue of her eyes lights up. And she is so her, so strong and so fucking beautiful that the only thing that matters is her and what she is finally sharing with him.

She can't outrun the way he looks at her. It's the kind of look that makes her want to take one step closer to him instead of putting distance between them, using all that familiar loathing and hatred.

'I came here for you, you arrogant bastard. I came to thank you.' She is still firing her words at him, the same way she fought him once in the dark, close to a fence with an unconscious bounty hunter on the forest ground. Her face is close to his. 'I came to thank you for getting me out of that bar.' Her voice slowly loses his anger. Mentioning what Bass did for her that night, mentioning it in front of her family earlier today had felt like ripping open an old wound.

It's like somebody puts a heavy stone on her chest all of a sudden. With every beat of her heart, another piece of the memory from that night in Pottsboro flashes through her mind. Those men around her, circling her like vultures.

_Another beat._

The lock on the door. Panic that takes over her body and thoughts. Wishing Miles' deep eyes are there.

_Another beat._

The dizziness that floods her body. Raw disgusting hands on her skin. The scent of sweat and booze that lingers in the air and so close around her.

_Another beat._

The darkness of abandonment and loneliness that's creeping towards and corners her. Knowing she will never see her family again. Knowing it will end here, tonight, in this filthy bar.

_Another beat._

Doors flying open, his swords working their way through all of those assholes who are trying to hurt her, saving her. The intense look on his face, right before she has to give in to the darkness and somehow knowing that he's not here to hurt her.

Her breathing is heavy and fast, while it's following her chaotic memories. Tears are filling her eyes and are blurring her vision. She closes her eyes, she desperately tries to breathe. With her eyes closed, Charlie's pulled back into the bar in Pottsboro. She hasn't allowed herself to feel, she didn't want to remember. But here, with him, the memories come back with such intensity that she doesn't know how to fight them.

Bass has to fight back raw pain for what happens inside of her eyes, right there in front of him. She has never looked so small. But all he can see is her and all of her so close to him.  _Charlotte._

'If you wouldn't have been there, they...' She can't bring herself to say the words out loud. She feels cornered. She feels overwhelmed. It's a mix of emotions she can't fight her way out of.

And then, there in the dark, she feels how strong and warm hands are cupping her face. His calloused skin feels rough against the softer skin of her face. But his touch is gentle, his strength is close.

Bass has watched her face from the moment it has started to fill with pain, her mind in a place far away. He knows where her mind lead her back to, because he was back there too. And when she closes her eyes, after tears were clouding the deep blue of her eyes, he has to close the last remaining distance between them both with his hands. Her warm tears are flowing over his hands. He is standing close to her. He finally touches her. And she lets him.

'Hey..' his voice is warm depth, '…I was there Charlotte…' His voice is raw, deep hoarse warmth. The way he says her name finds its way to her heart. His voice is close. His hands are too. His touch is reaching through the cold memories. She slowly leans into his touch. Bass moves his hands, one hand finds its way to the back of her head, the other hand moves to her back. And just like that, at the moment she's sure the wave of memories filled with disgust and panic will crush her, it evaporates.

His chest is wide and his arms are strength around her. She lets her forehead rest against his chest. She is not used to this, she is not used to feeling another man's strength in moments where she is not sure she can find hers. The scent of his skin, his leather jacket and the cool night of the forest is close.

'I came here for you,' it's a slow whisper, close to his shirt and chest, only meant for him to hear. Bass swallows, pulling her even closer without realizing it himself. They stand there, together, in the dark. She doesn't talk, he just holds her. Time slowly moves through the night.

She finally looks up and refuses to give up until he really looks at her, although her heart is roaring with so many unsaid things between them.

'I meant every word I said to my mom and Miles,' He has never looked at her the way he does now, he has never been this close. She can't look away. 'I need you to know that whatever happens now, I meant those words.'

He nods, it is barely visible to anyone else, but then she realizes that they have reached a point where she can read that small moment between them. She once accused him of being cold, of being a killer but she finally sees what her heart has known for a long time. He's more.

'Why?'

His voice is hoarse and deep but his eyes fill with an insecurity that it so unlike Monroe, that it almost hurts. She looks at him with a question in her eyes.

'Why did you break Connor and me out in Vegas?' There's a hint of hesitation in his voice. He doesn't want to ask, but he really fucking needs to know. A part of him already knows the answer, but he really needs to hear her say it.

Charlie takes a deep breath. 'I could have walked away. I knew that would mean that you would be dead in less than 24 hours.' She lets her words burn between the both of them. 'I have wanted you dead for so long. You are still an impossible son of a bitch. But here's the thing, leaving you behind to die in that hell hole, killed by your own son, just wasn't an option. Not everything after you have done for me. Not after every fight we fought together.'

And there it was, the truth. It's strong and lingering between his heart and hers. Bass slowly moves his hand to her face, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, brushing his thumb along her cheek. They both know she has to go, but she can't. So she forgets about everything that is waiting out there for them, and all that there is left for now is to feel the touch of his hand on her skin.


End file.
